Author's Notes: Okay, this is just a spoof of some fics I've read that have the gundam pilots reading yaoi fanfiction and getting really angry about it. Well,
what I've done is imagined that the series was a fictional one based on what really happened to the pilots. Then, I have them getting together and reading
some of my fics. I would have liked to use other people's fics as well, but I would have had to ask permission first, and I couldn't wait. Unlike those other fics,
the pilots don't necessarily get angry about all of the fics, although I know they will be about some of them. There are two versions of this fic, this is the full
MST including the original text of the fics they're reading and more comments - consider the version on ffnet as an 'abridged' version. It probably won't be
Credit: Goes to Chrissy_Sky and Rose Thorne for their YYH mst fic, 'Enma's Torment Theater.' That's the only real MST fic I've read.
Category: Yaoi, Gundam Wing, AU, comedy, romance
Pairings: 1x2, 3x4, 6+5/5+6, reference to other *fictional* pairings
Warnings: humor, 3x4 'fictional' lemon, shonen ai, language
"What are you doing?" Duo frowned from the doorway, blinking at his lover and partner as he found Heero seated in front of his laptop. Trowa and Quatre
were supposed to be there any minute, and Wufei had been sitting in the driveway when he'd gotten back from some last second shopping. Heero turned
sharply at his voice, almost jumping, and Duo raised an eyebrow. Obviously, whatever the boy was doing he'd been so engrossed in it he hadn't heard Duo's
arrival. That spoke of how serious it was. "Heero, you're blushing."
With a low growl, Heero shook his head, his face heating more as he suddenly pushed the button, the printer he had hooked to his computer spitting out page
after page of print. "I was checking my email," he said slowly. He sighed when Duo stepped forward and leaned over him, one arm trailing down his chest.
"Relena sent me a rather vague message, telling me to go to a site on the internet."
"Relena? Isn't she too busy to be surfing the net?" Duo frowned, wondering what had been important enough to cause the girl to break her busy routine. It
wasn't often that they even heard from her. "And? Where'd she want you to go?"
"To a site," Heero repeated, his eyes narrowing as he felt his cheeks grow warm again. "It's an...archive...of writers who write stories about things they've seen
or read, www.mediaminer.org."
"Oh, I've heard of fan-fiction. But why would Relena want you to go read some stories?"
"Because. They're about us." The boy beside him tensed, and Heero nodded slowly. "She gave me the name of a specific author, and Duo...those
"Heero? Just spit it out."
"No," Heero said quickly, shaking his head as he clicked onto another of the stories he'd copied, printing it as well. "I'm going to print some of these, and I
think we should read them, all of us."
"Well, that's cool. Wufei's already here, and Quatre and Trowa shouldn't be too long." Duo smiled when Heero looked surprised. "Yep, he said he knocked
for a good five minutes. Guess you were distracted."
"You can say that again..."
* * *
Heero carried the papers, having stapled the different stories together, and he handed them out silently, without explaining. But then, he didn't really need to
since Duo had already told the other three about Relena's message. As it was, they were also eager to know what was being written about them. While their
plan had been to simply get together and visit, it was apparent they would be spending their time a bit differently.
>>Category: Anime, Gundam Wing, Yaoi, TWT
"What's yaoi?" Quatre asked, frowning at the story Heero had handed him. The name Gundam Wing was obvious to him, as he had a secret love of Japanese
animation, but he didn't understand the other word.
"It..." Heero cleared his throat, wishing he didn't have to be the only one who'd heard of the word before. "It basically tells about the type
of...relationship...yaoi...it means two guys...as opposed to a male and a female." The blonde boy was staring at him, and he felt his face heat yet again when
Wufei snorted softly. "It does."
"Cool," Duo laughed, looking at the stiff boy seated beside him. "And Relena reads stories about gay guys? That's unbelievable!"
"Just read." Heero didn't look up, his jaw tightening as he waited for the next outburst. He already imagined how the others would react to the stories. He
hadn't even read them all, and he'd been fighting an intense nosebleed. Of course, they'd soon figure out why he had three boxes of kleenex set in the
middle of the table beside the coffee pot and cups. He imagined it would be a long night.
>>Pairings: see warning, main: 1x2, 3x4,
"What do the numbers mean?" Trowa asked, frowning slightly. It was evident that the writer used them with ease, and he didn't doubt that there were people
who understood the meanings. He, however, wasn't one of them. "One x two?"
Again, it was Heero who was left with the explaining, and this time he didn't blush at all. He turned to smirk at Duo. "The numbers," he said slowly, "refer to
us. I am the 1, for being pilot 01, Duo is 2, Trowa, you're 3, Quatre is 4, and Wufei is 5."
"I get it," Duo said, smiling widely as he looked at all of them. "It's what OZ dubbed us, the numbers for us pilots."
"Right," Heero nodded, still looking pleased.
"But what is the x?" Wufei's eyes narrowed when Heero suddenly looked ready to grin, and he wondered if he really wanted to know.
"This one took me a bit longer," Heero admitted. "But a plus sign means friendship or liking someone romantically, the first number being the one liking the
second number. And an x means sex, the first one...dominating...the second." Duo choked, and he suddenly did smile, if only for a second.
"What?!" Wufei's eyes nearly popped out of his head, and he took a long drink of the cup set to his left, swallowing till his throat was scalded. "Then this...1x2
means you and Duo?!"
Duo slowly smiled, and his eyes glinted. Now he understood why Heero had looked so smug. Obviously his lover was proud to be the "dominant" one, not that
Duo had ever found reason to complain.
"Then the 3x4 means..." Quatre blushed, his voice trailing off as he gave a slow and shy smile at Trowa, shaking his head. "I guess this author has done his
"Hers," Heero said, frowning again. "I think it's a girl. Relena thought so, and she's probably right. In fact, from what little Relena *did* say in her note, most of
the people who write these stories are female."
"Really," Duo said, his voice surprised. "Wow."
"..who the *hell*...is number six?"
Everyone turned to look at Wufei, no one missing how pale the boy was and they looked again to the story they held, the 6x5 making them wonder as well.
"Zechs," Heero said.
Duo laughed suddenly, loving how red the Chinese boy was and the way he seemed to be having trouble breathing. "Man, Wufei, why didn't you tell us you
and Zechs had a thing going on? I thought we were friends."
"You slept with Zechs?" Quatre looked confused, and he glared at Trowa when the tall boy let out a sharp laugh. "Well?"
"I did not!" Wufei shouted. He pinned the blonde with an intense glare and clenched the edge of the table. "It's a lie!"
"Calm down," Heero said smoothly. "These stories are fiction, meaning they aren't truth. Keep reading, though. If you think that's bad, wait till you get to the
"Must be some story," Duo said, "the warning is huge!"
>>WARNING: LEMON, LEMON, LEMON,
"Okay," Duo smirked, "so what's the lemon mean, Heero?"
The boy had said it so simply that Duo couldn't help but smile. "Where did *that* come from? Sex is lemon? But lemons are sour." Heero snorted. "Heh,
guess it makes sense that she capitalized it, though - if it means sex."
"And repeated it three times," Trowa commented.
>>all types from sweet to bondage,
"From sweet to kinky," Duo laughed. "I wonder who has the bondage." His eyes glinted at Heero, making the stoic boy shift in his chair.
>>long and descriptive to short and sudden, all willing,
"Variety is nice." Throwing a grin at Quatre's blushing face, Duo shook his head. "Do you think she really needed to say all willing like that? If I'm paired up
with Heero, of course it would be willing. Same with you and Trowa, right?"
Quatre sighed, his flaming face too dark to hide. "Duo..."
>>this will be my best PWP ever,
"PWP?" Trowa raised an eyebrow at Heero, since the boy seemed to know the most. Sure enough, Heero nodded.
"That means point what point, saying there isn't a real reason for the story." Again, Heero was glad Relena had thought to do a *bit* of explaining before she'd
sent him to the site.
"Her best ever?" Quatre asked. He blinked at the page. "Does that mean she makes it a habit to write pointless stories?"
Wufei snorted. "Stupid women wasting time like that, figures."
>>the king of them in my opinion.
"Well," Trowa noted, "she seems sure of herself."
"Or cocky," Duo said. He gave a cheeky grin. "Pun intended."
Heero rolled his eyes but chose not to comment on that one.
"Odd?" Quatre frowned over at Heero. "Is she trying to say there's something odd about Trowa and I being paired together?"
"I doubt it." Heero waved at the stack of stories waiting to be read. "Most of these are 1x2 and 3x4. Either that's normal, or she has a fetish for those
Duo wrinkled his nose, leaning away from the table. "Ew...some girl out there has a fetish writing about you and me having sex. Heero, that's disturbing."
>>This is what my friend and I call my "porno".
Wufei choked on his coffee. "A p-porno?!"
"How old is this girl supposed to be?" Trowa asked, frowning at the page. "Writing porn?"
Duo sniffed. "And sharing it on the internet. Her parents should ground her."
"I seriously doubt she shares the stories with her parents," Quatre said. He gave Duo a doubtful look, imagining how his father might have reacted to
something like that. "Can you see some girl telling her mother that she writes homosexual porn?"
>>The pairings include though not in this order:
Wufei scowled. "Didn't she already give the pairings? Repeating herself already and the story hasn't even started yet."
"More importantly," Duo smirked, "why doesn't she just put them in the order they come in? I bet she's fourteen."
"Not that it makes a difference, though," Quatre said kindly. "We managed to accomplish quite a bit at that age."
>>1x2, 1x3, 1x4, 1x5, 6x1,
"What the hell...?" Duo stared, his face turning red. "Heero...1x2, 1x3, 1x4, 1x5...6x1?!" He reeled on the other boy, his expression livid. "You *never* let me
be on top so why the *hell* would *Zechs* get to be?!"
Heero turned a bit pale, then pink, and he shook his head quickly, fighting the urge to move his chair back. "It's fiction, Duo. Remember?"
"Besides," Quatre said slowly, his own hot face not helping any. "Duo...there's a...4x2..."
The blonde boy blushed darker as both Trowa and Duo stared at him, then they looked down at the paper they held and cursed. "I didn't do anything," he
said defensively. "I don't know *what's* wrong with this person, writing stuff like that."
>>5x2, 6x2, 3x4, 5x3, 6x3, 5x4, 6x4, 6x5.
"Zechs is with everyone," Wufei said, his relief audible. "Not just me."
"But those aren't the *main* pairings," Heero reminded him. He smirked and turned so he could look at his wide-eyed lover. "Duo, did you notice what position
you have...in *all* of the pairings?"
"Wha...? What?! Damnit, why am I always on bottom?! I'm as much of a man as any of you!" The many raised eyebrows made him glare, and he pinned
Quatre with a dark gaze. "And there's no way I wouldn't be able to dominate *you*."
"Hey!" Quatre cried, folding his arms over his chest. "What are you trying to say, Duo?"
"Just read the actual story," Heero said again, not wanting a fight to break out. "And remember that this is fiction."
"Fine, but we'll discus this later." Quatre scowled at Duo again, then looked down at the pages in his hands.
>>May be minor Relena or Dorothy bashing,
"Is...Dorothy and Relena..." Wufei seemed to have trouble asking the question, and his face looked a bit greenish. "Are they in this story with...us?"
"Oh yuck!" Duo bent forward, making retching noises as he gagged violently. "Eww...that's *so* gross! I'm not reading *that*!"
"I scanned ahead earlier," Heero said. "They are just mentioned in the end."
"Whew...that was close. So what's she mean by bashing? Are we going to beat them up or something?" Duo raised an eyebrow and tried to imagine the five
of them beating up Relena. "Why would we want to do that? Dorothy would kill us."
"I think it means portraying them badly," Heero shrugged. "Like I said, they are only at the end of the fic, just a short part. I don't think we actually see them at
>>but it's a very tiny part if it is bashing at all,
>>I don't think so, just a bit OOC.
Trowa looked to Heero again. "OOC?"
"Out of character?" Duo guessed.
Heero shrugged. "Most likely. But considering the pairings, I'd say we're all out of character."
>>Again, odd pairings, PWP, major lemons.
"Still repeating herself," Wufei sniffed.
Quatre shrugged. "I guess they take warnings seriously."
"Heh, wonder if it's as bad as she makes out," Duo smirked.
"The kleenex are here for a reason." The boy glanced at him, but Heero merely nodded to the story.
>>If these pairings offend you--DON'T READ.
"I get it," Duo said. "It's to scare off the homophobes!"
"Or people like you who don't like pairings where you're always on bottom." Heero smirked when the boy glared at him.
"Does she think this makes her actions allowable?" Wufei asked. His eyes narrowed, and he was obviously thinking of the 'main' pairing of 6x5. "She writes
what she wants and tells people not to read if they don't like it. As if that will stop people from getting angry."
"Oh be quiet," Duo said, waving a hand at the boy. "At least you get to be on top once in a while. If anyone gets to get angry, it would be me. Eternal uke, my
Heero snorted, and Wufei choked again. "That's the point," Heero drawled. "With your ass, you're the uke." Duo simmered at him, but didn't answer the taunt.
>>Otherwise, enjoy, I did.
"I'll just bet she did," Duo glared, still steamed at the uke taunt. It was times like this that he had a strong urge to whip out a bit of bondage on Heero. The boy
was getting a little too cocky - and not in the good way.
>>(if you've never seen a porno, you may have
>>trouble with this).
"Uh-oh," Duo blinked. "Wufei, maybe you shouldn't read this."
"Are you trying to insinuate that I don't know about sex?" Wufei glared.
"No, but if you'd ever read a porno you'd probably die of bloodloss - right out your nose." The Chinese boy turned bright red with anger, and Duo snickered
merrily. "And if that happens here, you won't be able to sue the author because she did warn you about it."
"Is that her name?" Trowa seemed calmer than the others, but then, he usually *did* seem calm. "Arigatomina?"
"Yes," Heero nodded. "She's using two Japanese words, probably because Gundam Wing originated in Japan."
"What *is* Gundam Wing?" Duo asked suddenly.
"It's an anime series about us and the war," Heero said quickly, hoping they wouldn't find out he'd watched it. There had been simply too much of an implied
relationship between him and Relena for him to be comfortable with it, and he could imagine how badly Duo would take *that*. "That's not important, though.
Her name, it's thank you and everyone."
"I get it," Duo smiled, "Arigato and mina. That's cool."
>>And They All Came
Duo laughed, nearly knocking over his coffee. "That's the title?!" Duo choked, grinning widely. "Damn that's great!"
Heero smirked, but didn't say anything. He'd expected Duo to get a kick out of that, but he wondered if the boy would get the double meaning after reading
the actual story. Still, it was a long story.
>>"Well, Trowa, it's very nice to see you again."
"It *is* like a porno!" Duo blinked, looking over at Trowa. "You meet up with an old friend and immediately fall into bed together."
Quatre's eyebrow twitched, and he sent Duo a dark look. "Trowa isn't that easy."
"No harm intended." Duo leaned a bit away from the boy, not liking the way those pale blue-green eyes were narrowed at him.
>>Smiling, Quatre set his bag down inside the door
"On the floor," Duo nodded knowingly. "That way the bed isn't cluttered up."
"Duo." Frowning at the boy, Quatre shook his head. "If I haven't seen him for a while, I doubt we'd just have sex the next time we met."
"Don't be so sure," Heero said. His voice was very sober, and he refused to meet the blonde's questioning gaze.
>>as he stood to the side so the tall boy could
Duo snickered, moving a hand over his mouth. "Shouldn't that be 'moved his legs to the side'? Who's Trowa entering if Quatre gets out of his way?"
Face flaming, Quatre sputtered into his cup. "Duo!"
>>"Are you sure you don't mind sharing a room with
"You're the one inviting him to share your room," Duo smirked. "Don't look at me." The blonde boy blushed a bit more, but didn't say anything to that.
>>Taking in the single large bed,
"Taking in?" Duo raised an eyebrow, looking from Quatre to Trowa. "Is it just me or is someone having sex with a bed? And a large one at that."
"At least it's just a single bed," Heero commented. Duo snickered merrily at his deadpan expression.
>>Trowa glanced around as he pushed the door shut
"That's right," Duo nodded. "Don't want him sneaking out on you now that you've prepared yourself with that large bed. Sounds like a 4x3 to me."
Trowa's eyebrow twitched, and he stared at the long-haired boy. "Is everything sexual to you?"
"It *is* a porno," Duo frowned. "Don't look at me, I didn't write it."
>>It wasn't that large of a room, but it had its
"To clean up afterward? She's got things planned out." Duo blinked when Heero shook his head at him.
"More like Trowa has things planned out, or Quatre."
"Oh," Duo smiled. "Right. The two lovebirds are meeting up for a nice little reunion."
>>and a large dresser as well as closet. Setting
>>his suitcase down,
"To free up his hands," Duo put in, nodding happily. He smirked when Quatre frowned in annoyance.
>>he watched as Quatre sat down on the edge of the
Quatre spoke when Duo's mouth shot open. "I know, I know," he said, rolling his eyes. "I'm right where he wants me."
Trowa smirked, but didn't say anything.
>>"There are only five bedrooms," he said slowly,
>>hiding his satisfaction.
"So Trowa's the one who planned things out," Duo said, looking over at the boy. "Nice going."
"I'm surprised he'd be so easily satisfied, though," Heero commented. "Quatre's still dressed."
"Ah, I'm sure he'll fix that soon enough." Duo smirked when his blonde friend gave a loud sigh.
>>It had been too long since he'd seen the blonde
>>boy, and he didn't mind sharing a room with him.
Duo rolled his eyes. "We already know he didn't mind. Trowa's the one who planned it out."
Wufei sniffed. "Redundant."
>>"We roomed together during the war,
"Wait," Quatre frowned. "Is she trying to say Trowa and I were intimate back then? We were far too busy for something like that."
"No," Duo said casually. "Just that he's already seen you naked so sharing a bed with him wouldn't be anything new."
"That's the same thing," Quatre glared.
Duo smiled. "I know."
>>and the others seemed eager to have their own
Wufei raised an eyebrow, not wanting to get his hopes up. "Then the rest of us aren't paired off yet? How long *is* this story? How does she expect to get all
those sex scenes into one story if the only ones who've even shared a room are Trowa and Quatre?"
"Don't ask me," Duo said. "Maybe that's why it's a pointless fic. Nothing makes sense in pornos."
>>"Yeah," Quatre said, trying not to blush.
"Aww," Duo smiled. "Quatre's a virgin."
"Duo." The boy blinked and Quatre sent him a warning glare that had him closing his mouth very quickly.
>>It was true that they'd shared a room, but not
"Trowa slept on the floor." Everyone turned to look at him, and Quatre shrugged. "I couldn't talk him into taking the bed, let alone sharing it with me."
"And when was this?" Duo asked, his eyes wide.
"Before the Noventa incident," Quatre said. "We ended up sharing a hotel room. But Trowa slept on the floor." He sent a look over at the boy beside him,
making Trowa's cheeks turn a light shade of pink. "You were so stubborn and shy..."
>>Determined to hide his uncomfortable thoughts,
"Uncomfortable thoughts," Duo wondered aloud, "or uncomfortable reaction to the thought of sharing a bed with Trowa?"
"Probably both," Heero said. "Otherwise he wouldn't have to hide it. Trowa can't read minds."
>>he smiled. "I was surprised they all came.
"Wait!" Duo sputtered. "We already came? What kind of porno is that? Just skip right over the sex?"
"Good," Wufei sniffed. "Stupid girlchild writer."
"I think he..." Quatre frowned, tilting his head to the side. "I mean *I* meant that the rest of you came to wherever Trowa and I are supposed to be in the fic.
The author didn't say where we were."
>>Especially since we don't know who invited us."
"Yep," Duo said. "Definitely a porno. There's no way we'd have gone somewhere if we didn't know who'd invited us. So instead of thinking up a good reason,
she just pulls the old porno 'nothing-matters-as-long-as-they-have-sex' routine. Cheap way out."
Wufei's eyebrow twitched and he gave Duo an odd look. "How many pornos have you read?"
"Watched," Duo corrected, his eyes glinting. "And not too many. Heero's more than enough to satisfy me." The black-haired boy flushed, telling him he'd
said a little more than necessary. Duo smirked in reaction.
>>"It's been too long,
Duo wasn't the only one to laugh at that, Quatre giggled behind his hand. Turning, he blinked at Trowa. "Too long? I don't remember either of us
complaining about *that* being a problem." The tall boy's right cheek was pink again, his hair hiding the other side of his face.
"Damn," Duo muttered. He blinked wide curious eyes on the two of them. "Exactly how long is it?" A hand snatched his braid, and he let out a yipe when he
was given a sharp tug.
"You don't need to know," Heero reminded him. His eyes were dangerous enough to make Duo lean away.
Rubbing his head, Duo pouted. "I was just curious. No need to get all jealous on me. Leave the bondage and abuse for the story."
A soft snort made Duo look up, and Wufei smirked at him. "I always knew you were perverted," Wufei said. "No wonder the author put bondage in this thing."
"Ha, ha," Duo sniffed. "I bet it's you and Zechs." That made Wufei's face redden a bit, but it was more anger than embarrassment. Duo waved it aside and
looked to the story again.
>>I'd say they wanted to see each other again.
"Well, that makes sense," Quatre nodded. "If this takes place after the war. But you sure do talk a lot in this fic." Dark green eyes turned to him, and he
smiled at Trowa. "That's not exactly how I remember it going."
Wufei rolled his eyes. "Spare us the details."
"Maybe you'll luck out," Duo put in quickly, "and this will be one of the short sweet lemons instead of the descriptive ones. That way the long ones can go to
you and Zechs." The boy growled at him, and he grinned. "With bondage tossed in for extra. Must be your lucky day, Wufei."
>>Besides, this resort is very nice and we have it
"Will this author make up her mind?" Wufei glared. "How can they have it to themselves if the rest of us are there? And if she means we're the only ones in
the place, then that's just stupid. What kind of resort would let people stay without attendants running it?"
"Porno," Duo reminded him. "Nothing has to make sense in a porno."
"Or a PWP," Heero nodded.
"Hn. Lazy author."
>>"Did you have trouble getting away from the
>>circus?" Quatre asked,
"I bet he did," Duo snickered. "I can just see Catherine chasing after him with a soup ladle."
"She apologized for chasing you off," Trowa said calmly, looking at Duo. "She was concerned for me. Normally she isn't so controlling."
"Maybe," Quatre said, frowning a bit. "But she was *very* controlling at the time. I thought she was going to attack me when she ran me off. She can be a
little scary when she's angry."
"Tell me about it," Duo said.
Trowa sighed. "She's outspoken, that's all."
"And a little possessive," Quatre muttered beneath his breath. "And overprotective, and disapproving, and controlling, and-"
"She likes you," Trowa said. He patted the blonde's back. "She just doesn't want to tell you yet. It's her way of paying you back for keeping me away from her
so often. That's the way she is."
"If you say so," Quatre said. He didn't look the least bit convinced.
>>trying not to squirm when the boy sat beside
"Jeeze," Duo said. "The guy sits beside you and you're already squirming? You don't have much self control, do you, Quatre."
"It's not real," Heero reminded them.
"Exactly," Quatre frowned. "And I'll have you know I never squirmed around Trowa. If anyone was squirming, it was him."
Duo snickered, and even Wufei turned to raise an eyebrow. Trowa ducked his dark face in silence.
>>Trowa had been muscular when they'd met during the
"But now he was back to being scarecrow boy," Duo finished. Two dark glares hit him from the other side of the table, and he giggled a bit. "Um...I was
wondering about that - how much weight you gained after the war. Did you start working out or something?"
"Cathy makes rich soup."
Quatre smiled, sending a knowing look at the serious boy. "And I'm sure she took fattening you up as a serious task."
"That's what she said," Trowa admitted, his tone neutral.
Duo laughed. "I really need to go see her again. Maybe she won't yell and run me off this time." Trowa frowned at him, but he waved the comment aside.
>>but he'd managed to forget exactly how much the
>>boy affected him.
"I don't see how I could forget," Quatre said, frowning at the text. "Trowa affected me the first time we met. He's always had that effect on me."
"I think it means the hard-on," Duo said, smiling helpfully. "You know, the 'effect' that has you squirming on the bed."
"You like that description, don't you."
Duo blinked, turning to look at Wufei in surprise. "Hey..."
"You're the one who keeps talking about it," Wufei sniffed. "Pervert."
Wufei glared, heat flaming his face. "Shut up."
>>"Not really," Trowa answered, eyes on the pale
"Whose eyes?" Duo asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Don't be literal," Heero said. "It's obviously Trowa's eyes. And before you say it, no, it doesn't mean his eyes are lying on Quatre."
"Eh...I'd hope not." Grimacing a bit, Duo shuddered. "That would be nasty."
Quatre smiled, shaking his head at the boy.
>>"I've been restless since the last time we fought.
"Fantasizing, daydreaming, falling off the lion because he was so busy thinking about Quatre squirming for him." Duo nodded knowingly. "I've been there."
Heero's eyes narrowed and he sent the boy a sharp look. "You've fantasized about Quatre squirming for you?"
Duo choked. "No! I meant being restless without a fight to distract me. I'd never fantasize about Quatre - he's not my type."
"I'd hope not," Quatre sniffed. "You're not my type either."
"Oh, fine," Duo drawled, "be snooty about it."
Trowa smirked, patting a light hand on Quatre's shoulder. "Just a little."
"Heh, look at that," Duo smirked, "a lover's spat."
"Stop provoking them," Heero said. "The fic is more than enough."
>>Besides, I had to come."
Duo snickered. "Yep, the fic is enough. Trowa *had* to come. It's not healthy to hold it in for too long - and it's painful, too."
"Like you would know," Heero sniffed. "You have no endurance."
"What?!" Duo bristled, glaring at his lover. "I'd say an hour is plenty of endurance! Not everyone can do marathons, you know. You might be able to go all
night, but you're not normal."
"Hn. You just like multiple orgasms. You could build your endurance, but you don't bother to try."
Wufei was turning bright red, and Duo sighed. "Let's not talk about our sex life in front of Wufei. He looks like he's about to get a little...squirmy."
"I-I am not!" Wufei growled, his hot face belying his words. "Just shut up and read."
"Oh yeah," Duo nodded. "Quatre's definitely a virgin in this one if he doesn't even know why a guy has to come."
"Even if I were a virgin, that doesn't mean I'd be an idiot," Quatre said. He frowned over at Duo. "I was a teenager the same as everyone else."
"Ooh...mental picture..." A hand reached for his braid, and Duo smirked, snapping his head to the side just in time. "Kidding, kidding!"
>>Blinking, Quatre frowned as Trowa stood abruptly,
"Jump him! Jump him!"
Heero moved quicker this time, a sharp tug enough to make Duo's mouth snap shut in a tight wince. "It's a porno, he'll jump him whether you encourage it or
Quatre blushed, a little angry as well as embarrassed. "Really, Duo, you don't have to be so enthusiastic."
"Can't help it," Duo sniffed, rubbing his abused braid. "Heero jumps me all the time after standing abruptly. I just figured this would be the same."
"I'm not Heero," Trowa said, his tone calm.
"Well I *know* that," Duo said sarcastically. "You don't look anything like him."
>>moving to the door. He was completely lost
"Um..." Duo looked around, pulling his braid over his shoulder just in case. "Why is Quatre lost when all he's doing is sitting on the bed? He didn't go
"Maybe it means he's 'at a loss,'" Heero shrugged. "I told you not to take things so literally."
>>when the tall boy locked the door and turned,
"Ah," Quatre murmured, his cheeks pink. "This brings back memories."
Duo raised an eyebrow, staring at his friend. "Trowa locking you in a room with him while you're squirming on the bed?"
"Will you stop with the squirming?!" Wufei growled, his face red. "Perverted American."
"Ah, you know you like the thought," Duo sniffed. "Besides, you better get used to it fast. Trowa just locked them in the room together and Quatre's already
on the bed. You *have* to know what comes next, even if you are a virgin."
>>his green eyes holding him. "Trowa? Is something
"Yeah," Duo winced, "his eyes are holding onto you. That's very wrong..."
Heero sighed, not bothering to comment on how literal-minded Duo was. Some things just wouldn't change. "Be quiet, Duo."
"Hey, don't be mean to me or you'll be jumping the couch tonight!"
Trowa let out a soft laugh, making Wufei look at him in surprise. But Heero's startled expression was definitely enough to make even Trowa react.
After a second or two, Heero sniffed. "Don't threaten me. You wouldn't last two days if I slept on the couch."
Duo's mouth opened for a moment, but he closed it again, not looking at Heero. Wufei snorted at him and he glared at the boy. "Oh, shut up."
>>"I've missed you, Quatre." Nodding at the boy's
>>surprised look, Trowa crossed the room to stand
"In front of," Wufei put in. Duo turned to raise an eyebrow at him and he shrugged. "It sounds better."
>>his red-brown bangs hiding one eye as he looked
>>down into pale blue-green eyes. "I knew it wouldn't
>>work, but I had to try."
"What didn't work?" Duo frowned, glancing over at Trowa as if the boy would have the answer. "You locked him in, he's on the bed, you're alone - sounds like
your plan worked perfectly. The only problem is that Quatre isn't naked yet."
Quatre gave him a droll look. "Duo, I really don't think that's what he was talking about."
"Yeah?" Duo said. "Then what *is* he talking about?"
The blonde boy stared at him for a long moment before dropping his eyes. "I have no idea. It doesn't really explain that."
>>"I don't understand," Quatre whispered, blinking
>>quickly at the intense gaze. "What are you talking
"Got that much right," Duo smiled. "Trowa's not making much sense right now."
"Quatre's naiveté isn't making things easier, either," Heero commented.
"It's just a story," Quatre frowned.
"Maybe, but you're really timid here." Duo smirked over at his friend. "Whispering, fluttering your eyelashes at Trowa's *intense* gaze. You're the picture of
the sweet little virgin uke."
Quatre's eyebrow twitched, but he managed not to snap at the boy. Instead, his voice was a quiet warning. "Shut up, Duo."
>>"Quatre." Putting his hands on the shorter boy's
>>shoulders, he took a deep breath.
"And then went down on him." A wadded tissue bounced off Duo's head and he pouted at Wufei's glare. "Why'd you do that?"
"Because you're an irritating pervert," the Chinese boy sniffed.
"Eh, you just wish it were you on the bed." Three sharp glares hit him for that comment, and Duo blinked warily at Quatre. The sweet blonde looked ready to
hurt him. "Uh...j-just kidding!"
"That was uncalled for," Heero said evenly. His lips twitched, but he kept a sober expression. Wufei's face was bright red.
>>"I thought I could leave, go back to the circus.
>>But it didn't work. Even with all of the distance,
>>I couldn't forget about you. You were always on
"Just like I said," Duo smiled. "Fantasizing about him, getting distracted and falling off that lion of his. All because he was too busy thinking about Quatre.
Kind of sweet if you think about it."
"It *is* sweet," Quatre said, giving Duo a warning look. "But Trowa wouldn't be distracted that badly."
The quiet boy raised an eyebrow but didn't comment.
Duo noticed the look and smirked. "And isn't that a line off a movie or something?"
"Which one?" Heero asked. "Going back to the circus?"
"No, the 'you were always on my mind' part." Duo wagged his eyebrows suggestively over at the pair. "Trowa...you aren't taking pointers off some psycho
abusive boyfriend, are you? Next thing you know, Quatre will have you buried under a rose bush."
Wufei frowned in confusion, looking to Quatre and Trowa. But they had the same expression as he did, though Quatre was looking insulted at the 'abusive'
claim. He frowned at Heero. "What is the idiot talking about?"
"A movie," Heero said, shaking his head.
"Practical Magic," Duo grinned. "The author probably nabbed the line. Though having Trowa use it...maybe it's saying he's going to be psycho in this story."
"No," Heero said. "This story came out before that movie. The premiere date was on the site."
Duo sighed in disappointment. "Oh. Guess it's just the song, then."
>>Hands tightening for a second,
"On what?" Duo piped. "Is he groping him already?"
"Oh his shoulders," Heero said. "Pay attention."
>>Trowa slipped an arm downward, pulling the pale
>>boy to him as his head dipped, lips brushing over
"Pretty lame for a first kiss," Duo said. He frowned over at Quatre. "He did better than that the first time, didn't he?" The blonde boy blushed and he raised
an eyebrow at him.
"Actually, I initiated our first kiss," Quatre said, his eyes downcast.
"Really." Duo smirked, enjoying the light flush on Trowa's cheeks. "Guess they're both virgins in this fic."
>>When he lifted his head, his breath caught at
>>the wide-eyed look the boy was giving him
Duo frowned, looking over at Heero. "How does your breath catch on a look someone gives you? That doesn't make any sense."
"Why are you asking me?" Heero frowned back at him. "I didn't write it."
>>and he took in the faint blush before his eyes
>>locked on Quatre's parted lips. He was smiling.
"Wait!" Duo blinked at the text, raising an eyebrow. "Was it a close-mouthed kiss or an open one? It said he just brushed lips, but now his mouth is open."
"What does it matter?" Wufei said, scowling at the boy. "Quatre obviously liked it if he's smiling."
"Of course I'd like it," Quatre sniffed. "And for your information, Duo, it was a light kiss. We took things slowly."
"Yep," Duo nodded, "virgins."
>>Trowa brushed his lips over him again
"Over what part of him? And why is he still doing lip kisses? That's so lame." Duo wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "Boring."
>>as his hands moved to undo the boy's shirt,
>>pushing it aside as he ran his hands over
>>that smooth chest.
"Hands, hands," Duo commented. "He sure does a lot at once, lip brushing, taking off the shirt and feeling him up."
"Bad transitions," Heero nodded. "It makes the actions run together. That's probably why the story is so long - the sentences try to put too much in at once."
"Well, at least he's stripping him." Duo shot a teasing look over at Trowa. "Pretty good with buttons if you can get him naked while you kiss. The last time
Heero tried that he ended up ripping my shirt."
Wufei glared. "I didn't need to know that."
"No," Duo agreed, grinning at the boy. "Consider it a gift."
>>Swallowing Quatre's soft moan,
Duo raised an eyebrow, his gaze moving from the text to Quatre. "Moaning already? All he did was brush your lips and touch your chest. What are you,
super sensitive or something?"
Quatre's eye twitched, but he didn't quite glare. "It's not really me, Duo."
"I guess," Duo said. "But it's an open mouth kiss now - if he's swallowing the moan. He should have just slipped Quatre the tongue so he wouldn't have to
worry about noise."
"Or a gag," Heero said. Duo rounded on him and he pointedly ignored the boy's glare. "A gag would shut him up nicely."
"Do it and die."
>>he undid the clasp to his pants before stepping
>>back so he could pull his own shirt over his head.
"Well, that's just dumb," Duo said. "Unbutton his pants and *then* stop to take off your own shirt? Talk about wasting time. It's not like Quatre would complain
if he just got down to business."
Quatre twitched. "I would so complain," he said. "I happen to enjoy seeing Trowa with his shirt off. And I would never have sex with someone who was mostly
clothed - it's degrading."
Heero smirked, sending a look over at Duo. "Sorry about that."
With a glare at Quatre, Duo shook his head. "Don't be. Just because the virgin has to be all snooty doesn't mean I am. I find you sexy whether you're naked
"Would you stop talking about your sex life?" Wufei asked. He glared over at the two, but mostly at Duo.
"Why should I?" Duo asked. "We're reading porn - it's all about sex. Get used to it."
>>The blonde boy watched him, small breaths escaping
"Close your lips!" Duo said suddenly. "Quick, before they escape!"
Heero snorted. "Baka."
>>and Trowa kicked off his shoes before pushing
>>down his pants.
"Great," Duo said. "Now Trowa's naked and Quatre's still half dressed. Must be nice to get to just sit back and let someone else do all the work."
"Are you saying I just sit there during sex?"
Dangerous pale blue eyes were on him, and Duo grinned warily. "Um...no-no! Not at all. Heh..."
>>The room seemed to grow hotter with the smaller
>>boy's eyes on him,
"Lasers." Duo nodded knowingly. "Quatre's secret power. He can set a naked boy on fire just by staring at him."
"Funny," Quatre said, his voice droll. "Nice one, Duo."
>>and he moved forward, pushing Quatre back so he
>>sat on the edge of the bed.
Trowa raised an eyebrow and frowned at the text. "Am I supposed to be sitting on the edge of the bed, or Quatre? I thought he was already sitting on the
edge of the bed."
"Maybe you're sitting in his lap," Duo smirked. "You playing uke, Trowa?" The green eyed boy sniffed.
"Oh," Duo smiled, "I'm sure it would be hard. That's the point."
>>With his own shoes discarded, Quatre lifted his
>>legs as Trowa helped him get rid of his pants.
"Throw them away," Duo smirked. "Won't be needing those anymore."
"This is insulting," Quatre said. "I meet him again after who knows how long and now I'm getting naked after only a kiss? Is it really so hard to have a little
dialogue, some discussion?"
"No need for that in a porn," Duo said.
"No," Heero agreed. "Forget plausibility. This is pointless smut."
Wufei snorted. "Smut."
Duo laughed. "Yeah, but it's funny smut."
>>He wasn't going to question anything, worried
>>that the tall boy might stop if he spoke.
"If he *did* stop, then it's better to do it immediately," Quatre said. "As if I'd be so insecure as to stay quiet like that."
"Well," Duo said, "you do tend to get passive a lot."
"But not over something so important." Quatre frowned sharply, visibly unhappy with the description of himself. "We talked for hours before doing anything
"It's not your life story," Heero reminded him. "It's a fic about you and Trowa having sex. Don't take it so personally. Besides, it gets much worse."
Quatre sniffed. "I can't wait."
"Me either," Duo grinned. His cheerful expression got him a glare from his blonde friend, but it was worth it.
>>His arms snaked around that muscular back
"And here I thought Trowa was the flexible one." Duo grinned when both Quatre and Trowa blushed.
>>as he let himself be lowered to the bed. Then Trowa
>>was kissing him, strong hands caressing his chest.
"Kissing him where?" Duo asked. "If this is the descriptive lemon, then it should be more specific than that."
"Don't encourage this," Wufei scowled. He was already looking a little uncomfortable.
>>Letting out a low moan as his erection was touched, >>
"Here we go!"
Heero sighed at his lover's enthusiasm. A glance at Quatre found the boy turning a nice shade of pink. He caught the boy's gaze. "I'd shut him up, but I don't
think Wufei needs a visual demonstration to go with the story."
"No," Wufei said sharply, "I don't."
>>Quatre pushed upward, pale blue-green eyes snapping
>>open. His breath caught in his throat and he looked
>>down as Trowa pushed his legs up and leaned over him,
>>green eyes shining.
Duo's lips quirked and he stared hard at Quatre, willing the boy to look up. The blonde was ducking his head, a dark shade covering his normally pale face.
"So you like to watch, eh?"
Trowa put a light arm on Quatre's shoulders and frowned over at Duo. "It's none of your business."
Wufei muttered quietly, leaning forward to rip a kleenex out of the box nearest him. "Trowa, you move much too fast."
"Makes you wonder about them," Duo said. "Doesn't it."
>>Licking his suddenly dry lips, he held his breath
>>as he felt Trowa's silky hair touch his stomach,
>>then the boy's mouth moved over him and his muscles
Duo let out a discreet cough, not commenting on that one. He ventured a glance around and wasn't surprised that no one was making eye contact. Wufei
was stemming a nose bleed, Quatre and Trowa both looking quite dark. He gave a weak smile. "Yeah," he said slowly. "This is one of the descriptive lemons."
Heero gave a soft snort, not quite a laugh but close.
>>Tasting the soft skin surrounding the hardness
>>in his mouth,
"Yummy," Duo drawled. "Tastes like chicken."
Quatre choked, hiding his face in his hands. His muffled groan was barely intelligible. "Duo...!"
"Actually," Trowa said. "It tastes more like-" A hand flew to cover his mouth and he looked over at Quatre's flaming face. After a long moment the boy pulled
away and he blinked. "Nevermind."
>>Trowa's hands moved to caress the boy's thighs,
>>groaning when Quatre moaned and shoved upward.
"Eh, I'd be choking if he shoved like that." Duo blinked when Heero gave another snort.
"That's because you have no control," Heero said. His lover glared, but he shrugged. "It's true."
"So what are you saying?" Duo asked. "That Trowa has better control over himself?" His gaze snapped to Trowa and he raised an eyebrow at the boy. "Do
Quatre stiffened, his blushing face lifting so he could glare at the outspoken youth. "You'll never find that out, so don't bother to ask."
"Sheesh, no need to get possessive." Frowning at the boy, Duo leaned back in his chair. "I was just curious."
>>His eyes latched onto Quatre as he rubbed his tongue
>>against the tip of the boy's erection,
Duo smirked. "Good thing he's not a cat or that would really hurt."
Wufei blinked and turned to give the boy a strange look. "How would you know?"
Duo's eyes widened and he blushed. "Not like that! I just meant a cat's tongue is all rough and...and rubbing...that is..."
"You'd do better not to speak," Heero said. "Trust me."
>>body reacting to the way sweet blonde
"Oh, sweet," Duo said. "I get it. He doesn't taste like chicken, he tastes like honey. Nice." Quatre groaned, hiding his face again. Trowa merely gave a small
>>looked with his head thrown back like that. Pulling
>>back, he squeezed the boy's thighs lightly as
>>Quatre's hands moved to the cup the back of his
>>neck in an attempt to keep him where he was.
Duo took on a playfully outraged expression, glaring at Trowa. "Get your head back down there, bitch. You want him to go zero on you?"
Trowa twitched, but Quatre let out a muffled laugh from behind his hands.
>>He ignored the soft, slightly disappointed sound
>>the boy made and moved back more before taking him
"Now that's just rude," Duo smirked. "I didn't think Trowa would be a tease like that. Making him think he was done - playing with him like that."
"Trowa's good at playing."
The quiet comment came from behind pale hands, and Duo snickered when Trowa turned dark red. "Thanks for the info, Quatre."
>>his hands angling the Quatre's hips upward as he
>>took his length deep into his throat.
"Playful *and* skilled," Duo said. He blinked slowly, glancing over at the brown-haired boy. "Were you really that good on your first try? I was gagging for
nearly an hour."
Heero's face darkened and he carefully kept from meeting Trowa's questioning look. "It was an accident. Stop bringing it up."
"Yeah," Duo sniffed, "you wouldn't say that if I'd grabbed your head and-"
"Stop!" Wufei interrupted. His voice was slightly nasal sounding since he had a tissue clamped to his nose, but his glare was sharp. "I don't need to know
Duo glowered, folding his arms over his chest. "Fine."
>>Panting from the sensations Trowa's mouth was
>>creating, Quatre let out a cry
"Now that's just impossible," Quatre said suddenly. His face was still dark, but he had a definite frown. "I couldn't cry out if I were panting, that means steady
heavy breaths. A cry would break them and it wouldn't be panting." Trowa nodded beside him, and he shook his head. "Besides, if he'd only been doing it for
a few minutes I wouldn't be that out of breath to begin with. I *was* a trained pilot after all."
Heero snorted. "That's never made a difference to Duo. You'd never know he had any training from the way he gasps."
Duo bristled, rounding on the boy. "I've never heard you complain about it."
"That's because my mouth is busy, baka."
>>as he was suddenly released, erection bereft
>>of the tight warmth. He pushed himself up with
>>a gasped breath,
"It's the temperature shock," Heero said. Duo sent him an odd look, and he nodded. "Cool air after a hot vacuum."
Duo sighed, a sad expression crossing his face. "You even make smut sound boring."
>>wide eyes seeking the tall boy and blinking in
>>confusion when he saw him move to where he'd left
"Oh," Duo said, mimicking Quatre's tenor. "Whatever are you going to get out of your bag, Trowa?" He smirked and looked over at Trowa, his voice dropping
to a sarcastic drawl. "I wonder."
>>Caressing the muscular form with his gaze,
"Should I even comment on that?" Duo asked, looking at Heero. "Quatre has some very strange eyes in this story. Not only can they change the temperature,
but they can pet people, too."
"His gaze," Heero said. "But you're right. A gaze can't caress anything."
Heero opened his mouth to remark on the boy's poor choice of words, but changed his mind. He didn't feel like going into Duo's grammar right now.
>>he flushed eagerly as Trowa turned and smirked,
>>a tube of lubricant in his hand.
"And maybe he's *not* a virgin," Duo said. He turned to raise an eyebrow at Quatre. "How many tubes of lubricant had you seen before you had sex the first
"None," Quatre admitted. "I wouldn't have recognized one even if someone gave a tube to me."
"That's what I figured," Duo said. "I wouldn't have either. We used hand lotion the first time."
Quatre nodded. "Baby oil."
"Who cares?!" Groaning at them, Wufei shook his head. "Why are you talking about that? You two have no sense of decent conversational topics."
"Like we need to when we're reading porn." Duo smirked and rolled his eyes. "Forget decency and get into the mood here, Wufei. You might like it."
"I doubt that."
>>Embarrassment overcome by his eagerness, he shook
>>his head. "Did you plan this?"
"The author already said that," Heero said. "When he blushed but was eager watching Trowa get the lubricant."
Wufei nodded righteously. "Redundant."
"And of course he planned it," Quatre put in. "The tube proves that. I'd have no reason to ask."
"Play nice," Duo said, waving at the others. "It's just a porn fic. Nothing has to be logical in those."
"That excuse isn't working on this," Wufei sniffed. "It's common sense."
>>Trowa's eyes shone as he gently pushed the boy
>>back on the bed,
"When was I supposed to have gotten up?" Quatre frowned. "I was already lying on my back."
"Right where he wants you," Duo agreed, smirking at the boy.
"You lifted when Trowa stopped," Heero said. "The writing style makes actions hard to follow by running them into each other."
>>kneeling between his legs before bending down
>>for a kiss. "This is why I came, Quatre. For
"Trowa..." Quatre smiled, scooting his chair closer to the tall boy and wrapping an arm around his waist, "This is so sweet. You came just for me..."
Duo snickered and shook his head. "You two..."
>>"Shh." Hands rubbing the boy's damp erection,
>>Trowa's eyes glinted. "You'll love this, I
With a soft laugh, Duo nodded at Quatre. "Guaranteed or you get your money back."
Heero raised an eyebrow. "I don't think that works with sex."
"I wouldn't know," Duo said, giving his lover a wide smile. "I've never been disappointed."
"Good for you," Wufei grumbled, grabbing another tissue. "Now keep it to yourselves."
>>He twisted the lid off the lube, squeezing some onto
>>his hand and tilting the boy's hips upward as he took
>>him into his mouth again.
"Some what?" Duo asked. "And how could Quatre fit into Trowa's mouth?"
"Don't be dense," Heero said. "The real problem with this is that he should have taken the lid off the tube - the lube is what he squeezes into his hand."
"Okay, but how hard is it to say he took Quatre's damp, eagerly trembling-"
"It's descriptive enough without you adding to it," Wufei cut in.
"Maybe I should rewrite it for you," Duo smirked. "Your nose isn't bleeding nearly enough yet."
"Don't worry," Heero said. "Once it gets to one of his lemons he'll be unconscious from bloodloss."
Wufei growled. "I will not." Somehow, he didn't look quite as confident as he sounded.
>>Rubbing the slick gel on the boy's entrance,
"On my what?" Quatre stared, wary anger not quite taking over his face. "Entrance?"
"You know," Duo said, "it's girly talk for your ass. They do that in romance novels. Like saying erection and length and hard throbbing member instead of
"Oh." Quatre closed his mouth, a dark blush taking over his cheeks. "I see..."
"Heh, I'll bet."
>>he inserted first one and then two fingers,
Duo snickered. "One little, two little, three little-"
A disapproving gaze met him, and Duo slouched, frowning at Heero. "You take the fun out of everything."
"Be reasonable," Heero said. "If the story went along with that song, Quatre would be split open by the time you got to four."
Quatre groaned, hiding his face once more.
>>sucking harder as the small body beneath him
>>jerked and Quatre gave a tiny sound to express
"Right," Duo said, rolling his eyes. "Like two slick fingers are really going to hurt him that much. You're right, Quatre, you're a wimp in this story."
>>He hated hurting him, but he forced himself to
>>continue as he pushed his fingers in deeper.
"That's wrong," Trowa said. He frowned at the text and folded his arms. "I wouldn't continue if it hurt him, let alone force myself to continue."
"I know," Quatre smiled. He squeezed the boy's waist and leaned his head on Trowa's shoulder. "That's why I'd never let you know if you did manage to hurt
Green eyes blinked in surprise, but Quatre didn't see Trowa's suspicious stare.
>>Then he found the boy's pleasure spot and rubbed
"Yeah," Duo nodded. "Pleasure spot stands for prostate, I'm sure. Women writers have this code for body parts."
"You seem to know a lot about it," Wufei accused. "Reading romance novels in your spare time?"
Duo bristled in a defensive way. "Can I help it if I was stuck hanging out with Hilde for months? All she had were a few weapons magazines and romance
"Sure," Wufei snorted. "I believe you."
>>rewarded when Quatre gave a sharp cry and shoved
>>upward, deeper into his mouth. Not wanting to rush
"Rush him?" Duo asked. His eyes widened in disbelief. "He's practically drilling through your throat and you're worried about rushing *him*? Get your
Heero sighed and put a hand over his forehead. Trowa smirked. "I take it Duo isn't too partial to oral sex."
"Only on the receiving end," Duo said. "You want to talk about lack of self control just look at Heero when he's ramming-"
"That's a good place to stop," Heero cut in. "Read the story."
The Japanese boy's face was noticeably darker, and he was shifting uncomfortably in his chair. Duo grinned. "Whatever you say."
>>he stroked him carefully, the moans rushing over
>>him in a warm wave of satisfaction.
"Quatre must have very strong breath to be rushing over Trowa from all the way down there." Duo looked to Trowa for confirmation, and the green-eyed boy
"He's not that tall, so it isn't as far down as you might think." Trowa's smirk widened when Quatre jerked next to him. "But no, his breath isn't that strong."
"It's a figure of speech," Heero said. He sniffed at Duo. "But you already knew that. Stop being so picky."
Duo gave a light pout, slumping in his chair again. "But it's fun..."
>>It wasn't until Quatre was pushing up against him
>>with mindless urgency that he was ready to proceed.
Duo nodded knowingly. "I'd proceed, too. It's messy when he starts going at your mouth like that."
The table jerked, Wufei's elbow striking his cup as the boy grabbed another kleenex. His dark eyes promised death to the outspoken American. Duo winked
>>Withdrawing his fingers, he coated his own erection
>>and stretched upward so he could run his tongue over
>>Quatre's soft lips before deepening the kiss.
"And I'm just lying there through it all," Quatre muttered. His face was still darker than normal, but he did look quite put out by the description. "I'm not even
participating. This is completely ridiculous."
"Yeah," Duo nodded. "Trowa might as well be doing a corpse. But at least you moaned and pushed against him a few times. Could be worse."
Quatre glared at the text. "If it gets any worse he really *would* be doing a corpse."
With a small shiver, Trowa shook his head. "Don't say that."
>>Quatre winced as Trowa pushed into him, gripping
>>the tall boy's muscular arms and kissing him
>>urgently as he tried to distract himself.
Duo glanced around the table to check expressions before smirking at Quatre. "Looks like you're participating now. At least your mouth is moving."
"Where have my hands been during all of this?" Quatre frowned. "Did they fall asleep or something?"
"You weren't using them, so they weren't mentioned." Duo smiled pleasantly and refilled his cup. "They'd just get in the way of Trowa's domination."
"How quaint," Quatre sniffed.
>>Then a slick hand circled his erection, stroking
>>him with steady movements as he looked up.
"And beseeched heaven," Duo added, his voice shifting to a tenor. "Allah, where are my hands? Please give me back my hands!"
Across the table, Quatre gave a muffled laugh, holding his hand over his mouth.
>>Narrowed green eyes met him, seeming to glow as
>>they kissed, and Quatre was caught unprepared when
>>the tall boy suddenly pushed in further, hitting
>>his prostate and making him cry into Trowa's mouth
>>as he was consumed by the intense mixture of pleasure
"Now that is one very long sentence," Duo commented. He stared for a second before shifting in his chair. "But Trowa has good aim, hitting his prostate on
the first try."
"Not very realistic, though," Quatre said. He wasn't sure if he should be embarrassed or angry, so he settled on a bit of both. "It wouldn't *be* a mixture of
pleasure and pain if he prepared me like that. I had more than enough time to adjust."
Duo shrugged, tossing him a sympathetic smile. "Makes it more spicy that way, the poor uke torn between agony and ecstasy."
"You really have read too many romance novels," Heero sniffed.
Duo sighed. "I know. I'll never be able to talk dirty in a boy's locker room again. They'd think I was a crossdresser."
>>But the pain was quickly overcome as Trowa stroked
>>his erection faster and he moaned, not wincing
>>as much when Trowa gave a tentative movement inside
"Oh, right," Duo said, rolling his eyes. "Now he's being tentative. Didn't care much when he thrust into him a minute ago. Hell, if Quatre isn't ready yet he
never will be."
Quatre almost agreed with the boy, but a glance at Wufei made him close his mouth. On second thought, Duo was insulting him. "Duo..."
"Oh," Duo blinked, "not that it's your fault - just that Trowa doesn't know how to get a virgin ready - in the fic! Not to say that he didn't in real life...I mean..."
"Don't bother," Heero said. "You already put your foot in your mouth, might as well snack on it for a while."
Duo glared. "Chomp, chomp," he muttered.
>>Keeping a close watch on the lovely boy's face,
"Trowa wears a watch? Why would he keep it on Quatre's face?" Three groans lit up, and Duo blinked around at them. "What?"
"Ignore him," Heero told the others. "He's doing it on purpose."
"You're no fun," Duo grumbled.
>>Trowa pulled out a bit before pushing back in slowly.
>>Quatre was as tight as he'd dreamed he would be,
"I can just imagine that dream," Duo murmured, staring off into space. He pitched his voice to that tenor similar to Quatre's. "Oh, Trowa, stop!" "I can't!"
"Whatever do you mean?!" "It's too tight, I'm stuck!"
Even Wufei cracked a smile, Quatre burying his face in his hands and Trowa ducking lower in his seat. Duo shook his head. "Sounds more like a nightmare
than a dream, though."
>>and he was eager for him to feel the pleasure he
"So thoughtful," Duo smirked.
"Trowa *is* thoughtful," Quatre said. "He always makes sure I'm happy before taking care of himself."
Duo raised an eyebrow, leaning closer to the table. "You mean you two don't go together? What do you do - take turns?"
Quatre flushed and dropped his gaze. "Sometimes."
Turning to Heero, Duo frowned. "Why don't we do that?"
"Because," Heero said, "you don't have the endurance to last that long."
>>His hand moved in time with his slow thrusts until
>>Quatre's legs moved around him,
"Moved, moved," Duo sighed. "But at least you moved this time, Quatre. You moved your legs." He smiled brightly at his blonde friend. "Proves you're still
"I am *not* a corpse during sex," Quatre frowned.
Duo nodded slowly. "I guess you wouldn't be, or you'd start to smell bad half way through."
"That," Trowa said, "is disgusting."
>>pulling him in closer as the blonde boy let out
>>a shaky cry. Lips touching Quatre's neck, he nipped
>>the smooth skin lightly as he felt fingernails
>>digging into his back.
"And you're moving even more," Duo noted, his voice getting a little softer as a blush tinted his face. "I'm surprised Trowa lets you scratch him, though. Heero
makes me cut my nails so I can't do that."
Quatre shifted uncomfortably, his voice directed at the table since his head was lowered. "I trim my nails..."
>>He hoped his love was ready as he withdrew almost
>>completely before shoving back into the boy at
>>the right angle.
Duo raised an eyebrow and sent another look around the table. He stopped on Trowa. "There's a wrong angle?"
"He's aiming for the prostate," Heero said.
"Yeah," Duo frowned, "I get that. But he should be hitting it anyway if Quatre has his legs wrapped around him. He'd already be tilted up just enough."
"Remember who's writing this," Heero said. "I doubt a teenage girl knows that much about male anatomy."
>>Swallowing Quatre's moan, he released one of
>>his own as he kissed him again.
"And there he goes swallowing the moan again." Duo sighed, frowning over at Trowa. "If you'd use your tongue a little, you wouldn't have to worry about that."
"Or a gag," Heero put in.
Duo rounded on him. "Would you stop with the gag already. I told you, I don't care how many times you ask, you're not gagging me during sex! I happen to
like breathing, thank you very much."
Wufei growled, glaring at them both. "You stop with the tongue, you stop with the bondage and just read this stupid story." The two boys looked at him in
surprise, but the wadded tissues pressed to his nose kept him from looking too scary.
Duo smirked. "What's the matter, Wufei, is the story getting to you? Just think, soon we can see you getting your moans swallowed with Zechs angling for
Wufei twitched, and Heero hurried to interrupt the would-be fight. "Their lemon comes later. Keep reading, this one's almost done."
"Good thing," Duo smiled. "Wufei's getting impatient."
>>Quatre gripped Trowa's waist tighter with his
>>legs as the boy shoved into him again, his hands
>>clenching the tall boy's back as he shook from
>>the burning pleasure.
"You *do* have hands!" Duo laughed, looking over at Quatre. "Legs, nails, hands - why, you might as well be participating now. Welcome back to the living,
"He's very active," Trowa said. "This isn't him."
Duo blinked, exchanging a look with Heero before turning back to the tall boy across the table from him. "How active is he?"
Trowa opened his mouth but hesitated, a dark blush taking over his cheeks. He lowered his eyes without answering that.
"Why is it burning?" Wufei glared when Duo let out a sharp laugh. "I'm serious!"
"I'm sorry," Duo snickered. "I forgot you're a virgin."
Wufei growled, and Heero caught the boy's gaze. "It's the friction. If the lubricant was good enough, it wouldn't really burn, but considering this is a story
written by a girl, it's no wonder the facts are skewed."
"Yeah," Duo nodded, having calmed his laughter. "And they haven't been going at it long enough for it to really burn yet. Try doing a marathon with Heero -
now *that* is burning. He hates to have to stop and reapply once he gets going." Wufei was blinking wide confused eyes at him and he sighed. "You'll figure
it out eventually, if you ever get laid."
>>Gasping as his mouth was released, he let out
>>a shuddering breath. He'd imagined this, countless
"Countless?" Quatre asked, glaring despite his blush. "Twice! I had two dreams, no more than that. This makes me sound like I'd spent years fantasizing
about sex. I *did* have things to keep me occupied with."
"What's the matter?" Duo asked. "Fantasizing about someone doesn't make you dirty or anything. It's natural to imagine what it would be like - especially
when you've never done it before. Otherwise you'd really be confused once you actually got around to doing it."
"And you would know about fantasizing," Heero sniffed. "You spend half your time daydreaming about sex."
"So I have an active imagination," Duo said. "You say it like it's a bad thing."
"With you, it is."
>>but he'd had no idea how intense the feelings
"Nothing beats the real thing," Duo smiled. He sent a sharp look at Wufei. "Keep that in mind once you pick someone to fantasize about."
"Leave me out of this," Wufei glared.
"Just giving you some friendly advice," Duo said. He held his hands up, his expression happily helpful. "I was a virgin once, too, you know."
"You'd never know it to listen to you talk," Heero said. He smirked when Duo frowned at him. "You're hentai to the core, always will be."
"That's what you like about me," Duo pouted, "isn't it?"
"No," Heero said. "Your braid and your ass, that's what I like about you."
>>Then thought left him and he groaned as Trowa's
>>movements came faster. Completely consumed, he
>>shook his head; not saying no so much as expressing
"It's a little late for that," Quatre muttered. "This makes it sound like I don't know what an orgasm is. I may have been a virgin, but that doesn't mean I didn't
know how to...take care of...myself."
The blonde boy ducked his face again, but not before Duo caught his dark blush. He smirked merrily. "But like I said, nothing beats the real thing."
>>Breathing hard against Quatre's soft neck, Trowa
>>pulled his mouth away
Heero frowned at the text. "If he's breathing hard against something, he can't pull his mouth away. Otherwise, he wouldn't be breathing hard against it."
"What?" Duo blinked. "What are you talking about?"
"Poor grammar." Heero sighed as he realized he was talking to Duo. "Nevermind."
>>so he could draw in a deep, unsteady breath as
>>his motions grew hectic. He squeezed the boy's
>>erection, stroking it faster when he felt his
>>body nearing its release.
"You know," Duo said slowly, "I never could figure out why they called it that. Release. If it's talking about what comes out then surely that's as dirty as just
saying climax or orgasm. Women are strange sometimes."
"It's the hormones," Wufei said. He nodded knowingly. "They effect their thinking, which is why they have crazy mood-swings and tend to be highly irrational."
"And that makes them think describing the release of cum is worse than just using a word like orgasm?" The Chinese boy shrugged and Duo sighed.
>>The boy beneath him came violently, hot liquid
>>hitting his stomach as Quatre convulsed around
"Okay," Duo said. "Is it just me or did anyone else think of Quatre's legs 'snaking' around him when he read that?"
Heero nodded. "Yes, but I think it means he tightened on him during climax, not that his body parts convulsed."
"I'd hope not," Duo said. "He's got his legs and arms wrapped around him - it would be downright freaky if those started convulsing."
Trowa shivered despite himself, a frightening picture going through his head. "Don't say things like that."
>>Letting out a harsh cry, he felt himself come.
>>His arms circled Quatre's narrow waist and he
>>pulled him close,
"Excellent recovery time," Heero remarked. He gave Trowa a nod of approval, making the tall boy blush darker.
"As if he could do that," Duo sniffed. "He didn't even take time to catch his breath. And that had to be one of the shortest climaxes in the world if he hit it and it
was over immediately."
"What do you want?" Wufei demanded, glaring at the boy. "For it to describe every little bit of the orgasm? You're worse than this writer with your perverted
"Ah, you're just feeling left out because you're not in the story yet, and you're the only virgin here." Duo smirked when the boy glared darker at him. "Don't
worry, you'll get your turn."
>>rolling onto his side so he wouldn't crush
"I'm not *that* small," Quatre grumbled. Trowa put an arm around him and he sniffed, leaning closer to the boy. "This writer really doesn't think much of me."
"Maybe she just thinks I'm courteous enough not to cause you any discomfort," Trowa placated. "And you know I prefer to cuddle after sex."
The blonde boy gave a faint smile. "That's true..."
"Aw," Duo smiled. "You two are sweet."
Wufei snorted, but didn't comment.
>>Gasping, Quatre opened bleary eyes to gaze at
>>Trowa in happy wonder. "You...were right.
Duo snickered, clamping a hand over his mouth and nearly falling out of his chair. It took a sharp tug on his braid to get him to explain. Choking a bit, he
pointed at Quatre. "It makes you sound like one of those virgin girls out of a Barbara Cartland novel!"
"Barbara Cartland?" Quatre raised an eyebrow, not sure he wanted Duo to explain. It definitely sounded like an insult.
"I read about her," Duo laughed. "She writes these whispery virgins who always talk like that. 'Oh...that was...the most...amazing...thing I've...ever...felt.
You...were...so kind...and gentle...with...me. I...don't know...how...I can...ever...thank...you...my precious...prince...' It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"
Quatre twitched in anger. "I do *not* sound like that."
"I know," Duo grinned. "But you do in this fic."
"Which isn't real," Heero said. "So don't get angry about it." The blonde boy scowled, but didn't say any more. After a moment or two, Duo managed to calm
down as well.
>>"Quatre." With a light hand, he brushed the bangs
>>away from those bright eyes as he smiled slowly.
>>"You were made for loving."
Duo laughed again, falling right back into his fit. "Trowa...that's so corny! You wouldn't actually *say* something like that...would you?" Duo's eyes widened,
seeing the way Trowa's cheeks slowly darkened. He turned to blink at Quatre's pleased smile. "You two are so..."
"Sappy," Heero supplied, remembering the term. "Most stories about them tend to have tons of sap."
"Sap, sweet stuff, that sounds about right." Duo grinned. "It fits them so well."
>>* * *
Wufei raised an eyebrow, lowering his tissues. "What's that?"
"I'm not sure," Heero said. "It's probably a marker."
Duo nodded. "In books they'd just leave an extra blank line or go to the next part. Since this is on the internet, it would need a visible symbol to show the
"Then time passes after this?" Quatre asked.
"Not really," Heero said. "The fic doesn't really have a good timeframe explained, but I think it just shifts scenes here to another pairing."
"Just like a porno," Duo smirked. "One down, now onto the next."
"In that case," Wufei said, "this is a good time for a break." He moved to the sink to dump his cold coffee. The others refilled their cups or followed him to get
rid of the cold liquid. No one had really thought much about drinking during that.
Left at the table, Duo and Quatre filled their own mugs. Duo smiled when they sat again, waiting for the others to finish. "Kind of fun, isn't it? Reading this
"Do you think so?" Quatre frowned, looking over the lemon they'd just read. "It was rather insulting."
"But that's only because you took it so seriously," Duo smiled. "Think of it as a parody - pick at it. That makes it really funny."
"I guess." Quatre sighed and took a slow drink. "But I wonder if you'll still think that once we read something featuring you."
Duo blinked, his wide eyes slowly turning down to the story. "Good point."
"I'm sure he'll be as angry as you were," Heero called, looking over his shoulder.
"No way," Duo sniffed. "I have a great sense of humor."
"We'll find out soon enough."
* * *
Once everyone was ready, they started in on the next section. Wufei had suggested they skip to another story, but Quatre dismissed the entire notion saying
that they'd seen his lemon with Trowa and were going to read the others or they'd all be sorry. One look at the boy's dangerously gleaming eyes had all
agreeing rather quickly.
>>Sighing, Duo felt his muscles complain as he
>>finished the lap,
"Wait a second," Duo frowned. "If they're having me do some sort of gang blow job on the lot of you, we can stop reading right now."
Heero raised an eyebrow. "I really doubt anyone would write you doing something like that. Especially since your muscles are complaining after one lap."
Wufei also turned to smirk at Duo, shaking his head. "But it said *the* lap, not his first lap."
"As much as Duo hates oral sex I doubt he'd do that." Trowa's calm words made Heero scowl sharply.
>>pausing as he treaded the water. He loved swimming,
Duo sighed in relief, nearly slumping in his chair. "Lap - around a pool."
"Hn." Rolling his eyes at the boy, Heero sniffed. "Next time at least finish the sentence before you get all defensive."
"I couldn't help it," Duo said. "Who knows what she's going to write about me after that part with Trowa and Quatre. I'm just trying to be prepared for it."
"Nothing will prepare you for this fic," Heero said. His gaze was steady and sober. It made Duo pale.
>>but he really wasn't used to it at all.
"Well, no," Duo drawled. "Living with a water shortage doesn't make for a lot of pools. The first time I ever swam was when I went down to get Heero's
Gundam from the ocean."
"I'm surprised you didn't drown," Heero smirked.
"I knew *how* to swim," Duo said. "I just never got a chance to do it myself. It was pretty easy."
>>Having answered the multiple letters he'd received,
>>he'd decided to come to the resort and now here
"Ooh, hints about the plot." Duo smirked, shaking his head at the others. "So whoever invited us sent letters. And they must have sent a lot if it says 'multiple'
letters. I bet it was the author."
Wufei frowned at him. "That makes no sense."
"Sure it does," Duo said. "She could just write about herself as if she were an original character in the story. I bet people do that all the time."
>>He sighed, then held his breath and let his
>>muscles have a slight break as he sank beneath
"So that's how." Duo raised an eyebrow. "Let me guess, I nearly drown and someone has to give me mouth-to-mouth. Pretty cliché. Or better yet, someone
thinks I'm drowning, jumps in to save me and then is stuck with wet clothes so he has to strip and cuddle so we share body heat."
Quatre's lips twitched and he looked at Duo. "Maybe you should write one of these."
"No, just giving the typical motivation for sex scenes." Duo shrugged lightly. "Pretty predictable after a while."
>>He'd come on the off chance that Heero would,
>>but now he wasn't sure what to do.
"We're not together in this fic, either," Heero noted.
"And I bet we end up having sex the first time we walk into a room alone together," Duo nodded. "Who needs romance."
"Or excessive talking."
Duo bristled a bit, turning to raise his eyebrow at Heero. "If you hadn't been so stubborn I wouldn't have had to talk your ear off to get through to you in the
first place. You're the one who just sat there like you didn't care."
"That's because you wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise."
Sniffing at the boy, Duo glowered. "At least this story has one thing right - I came for Heero. He never had the balls to make a move on me."
Heero opened his mouth, and Wufei cut in quickly. "Leave ball size out of this," he said. "Just read the stupid story."
>>Heero was there, somewhere, but rather than
>>seeking him out, he'd decided to go for a swim.
"Well I can't be waiting for *him* to make the first move," Duo mocked. "I'll be swimming for the rest of my life."
Heero turned to give the boy a droll look and folded his arms over his chest. He might have said something in response to the taunts, but Duo was just
pouting. He recognized that and knew it was safer to just ignore him until the fit passed.
>>Shaking his head, he kicked lightly as he
>>pushed upward, taking a deep, forlorn breath
>>before slowly swimming to the ladder.
"Can you picture that?" Quatre asked, a frown marring his face. "He's shaking his head as he breaks the surface of the water and taking a deep breath -
either in the water, or while he's shaking his head. Either way it would have to look rather strange."
"It's the way the actions are run together," Heero said. "Makes it difficult to separate them."
>>Having been unsure why he'd come, Wufei had roamed
>>around the complex, taking in the different things
>>it had to offer.
"Nice scene change," Wufei smirked.
Duo smiled. "Yeah, one minute it's on me in the pool, then off to Wufei roaming the place. But there's that phrase again - taking in - makes it sound like
Wufei's having sex with things."
Quatre shook his head at the boy. "That just means taking account of things, not that he literally takes them into his body. And even if it were a literal
description, it wouldn't necessarily be sexual. Maybe he absorbs them through his skin." Everyone was staring at him now, including a grinning Duo and an
outraged Wufei. Quatre gave a weak smile. "I guess I've been watching too many science fiction movies..."
"It's still more likely than Duo's literal interpretation," Heero said. "The question now is where exactly are we in the fic. Earlier it was a resort, and now it's a
"Guess it's a private resort," Duo shrugged. "And big enough to make Wufei think of it as a base since he's used to those."
Heero turned in surprise. "Good point," he said.
Duo sighed. "You don't have to look so shocked."
>>Reaching the pool, however, he found himself
>>pausing as he watched the long-haired boy swimming
>>fast laps as if he did it every day.
"Nice," Duo smiled. "And accurate. I may not swim much, but I'm good at any sport. Of course I'd be great at swimming if I tried."
Heero snorted at the boy's conceited smile. "You'd be miserable at golf, or anything that involves patience and silence."
"No," Duo frowned, "I'd just be miserable. Golf isn't even a real sport. It's an old person's hobby."
"You only say that because you know you wouldn't last ten minutes at it."
Duo snorted back at him. "I'd fall asleep. It's the most boring thing I've ever seen."
"Exactly. No patience."
>>He'd never seen Duo swim,
"Of course I haven't," Wufei said. "The only thing I've seen him do aside from playing poor chess, is eat and talk. And flirt and fight."
"I'm not poor at chess!" Duo frowned at the boy before turning beseeching eyes on Trowa. "Am I?"
"No, you just don't have enough patience to make the best out of your potential at the game."
Duo blinked for a second, not sure if he'd take that as a compliment or not. But he ended up nodding. "And you're the best one at it out of all of us, so you
"He only beat me twice," Wufei argued. He bristled a bit at the reminder. Losing at anything tended to leave him with an urge to call for a rematch. But Trowa
had refused after the second game.
"Quatre's better than I am," Trowa said. "That's why he won't play. There's no point." The blonde boy blushed a bit, but seemed happy with the compliment.
He leaned closer to Trowa with a light sigh.
>>but it seemed the ex-pilot was good at it.
>>Leaning against the wall as he waited for
>>the boy to see him, he blinked as Duo began
>>to climb out, not looking up.
"Why did I blink if I'm not looking up at him?" Wufei frowned around the table, stopping on Duo's wide eyes. "What?"
"Um...I just remembered." Duo blinked slowly, his gaze shifting to Heero. "This is a porno. I'm wet and alone with Wufei...meaning..."
Wufei choked, his face flaming bright red. "No."
>>Swallowing, he glanced at the doorway he'd come
>>through before his eyes flew back to the boy.
"If you weren't before," Quatre said, "you're definitely looking now." He couldn't help but smile a bit at Wufei's dark face. The boy was still shaking his head,
as if that would stop Duo's prediction from happening.
Trowa gave a slow nod. "And he's eyeing the exit, meaning he wants to avoid something."
"Like real life," Heero commented. He gave a sharp pointed look at Wufei, making the boy slump in his seat. As he'd suspected, the Chinese boy had been
tempted to leave the room and avoid the rest of the story. That wasn't going to happen without him losing face over the escape.
>>He'd noticed how attractive the American was, he'd
>>have had to be blind not to,
"Not true!" Wufei was quite red, and he shook his head quickly. "I *never* stared at him...well...that is..."
"Hn." Heero's eyes narrowed a bit, but he didn't let it bother him. Looking was fine, it was only if the boy acted on his attraction that he would have to kill him.
And, as he'd told them before, it wasn't real.
>>but he'd never had such an urge to act as he did
"Resist the sexy Duo Maxwell? No chance." Duo gave a smug smile at his flustered friend. "You should have said something, Wufei. I had no idea you were
having urges about me."
"It's not real!" Wufei growled, sinking lower in his chair.
>>Wearing only a small pair of shorts, Duo was a
>>sight with his lithe muscles dripping with
>>water, the damp material of said shorts clinging
"Yep," Duo grinned. "I'm sexy as hell."
Heero snorted, a small smile curving his lips. "And conceited as hell."
"Why not? If the shoe fits."
"But you're not wearing shoes in the story," Quatre commented. He smirked at Duo. "Just little tight wet shorts." The boy had the grace to blush and he
reminded himself that he was supposed to be returning the favor. Duo had helped to embarrass him quite a bit during the other lemon.
Duo pouted. "I was swimming..."
>>Without even thinking about it, he found himself
>>taking a step forward.
Quatre smirked, mimicking Duo's earlier cry, "Jump him! Jump him!"
Duo and Wufei both stared at him in outrage and embarrassment before sinking lower in their chairs.
>>Climbing out of the pool, Duo shook his wet bangs
>>out of his eyes, turning as he reached for his
>>shirt and towel.
"Another odd picture," Quatre frowned. "He's climbing out of the pool, shaking his head again, and turning to reach for his clothes all at the same time. He
should at least wait till he's out before going for the towel."
"Maybe he'll fall," Trowa said, shrugging his shoulders. "Duo did say mouth-to-mouth was a cliché in these things."
"Right." Duo rolled his eyes, pouting angrily. "And then I'll hit my head and Wufei can take advantage of my vulnerable body."
The Chinese boy choked, a garbled denial escaping his dark red face.
>>Reactions still sharp despite the time that
>>had passed since he'd fought, he whirled
"And fell off the ladder, hitting his head and sinking to the bottom completely helpless. Wufei jumped after him, and was forced to breathe life back into the
boy's vulnerable body." Four gazes turned to him, and Quatre smiled. "It could happen."
"Yeah," Duo sniffed, "it could happen. But you don't have to look so hopeful about it."
"Oh," Quatre shrugged, "I'm not too worried. I'm sure whatever *does* happen will be bad enough without any help from me."
>>as he heard a light step, eyes widening as
>>he spotted Wufei.
Trowa raised an eyebrow at that, his nose wrinkling a bit. "What did he spot him with?"
"What do you think?" Quatre smiled. "Heero did tell us Duo has little self control."
Duo bristled. "That's not the least bit funny. I wasn't that bad when we read yours! And why the hell would I be...s-spotting anyone? I was just swimming, not
"Whatever you say."
>>"Hi, didn't see you there." Smiling, he started
>>to say something when
"Wufei grabbed him and threw him to the floor, pushing his-" A hand covered Quatre's mouth, and he sniffed at Trowa's blushing face.
"I think you might be getting a little too enthused about this story," Trowa said softly.
"He's a pervert, too," Wufei glowered.
Duo nodded sharply. "It's always the quiet ones."
>>he heard a rustle,
"Trouser snake!" Duo leaned away from the table, pointing a shaky hand at Wufei. "Evil trouser snake! You keep that away from me!"
Wufei's eyebrow twitched, and he turned to give Heero a dark look. "What is the idiot talking about now?"
"Do you really want to know?" Heero returned.
Wufei thought about it for a second before dropping his gaze. "No."
>>turning to see his shirt slide into the
"Great," Duo sniffed. "Now I'm wet, my only change of clothes are wet, and I'm alone with Wufei and his rustling trouser snake. Just perfect."
Wufei stared for a long moment. Then he made the connection, his face blazing red. "You perverted idiot..."
"Don't blame me," Duo frowned. "You're the one who's rustling at me. Talk about lack of self control."
"The clothes rustled," Heero said. He smirked when the two boys turned to him in surprise. "Don't jump to conclusions."
Duo and Wufei looked at each other, then dropped their gazes. "Oh."
>>Throat clenching, Wufei felt himself grow
"That's the problem with virgins," Duo nodded. "The don't know how to take care of themselves so it doesn't get painful."
"Right," Wufei growled, "like I'd just do it in front of you."
Quatre smirked at the boy. "Why not? Duo's the reason you're so hard, after all."
Wufei blushed and glared darker.
>>as the boy knelt at the rim of the pool, bending
>>as he reached down for his shirt.
"Don't put 'rim' and me bending in the same sentence," Duo glared. "And that's just dumb. I'd never bend over and expose my backside to Wufei's trouser
snake. Give me a little more credit than that."
Quatre raised an eyebrow and leaned closer to the table. "Are you saying Wufei isn't good enough for you?"
"Hell, yeah," Duo sniffed. "Especially since this author has me being some kind of constant uke. Like I'd let a virgin try himself out on me. Get real."
"I don't remember you complaining when I did that." Heero raised an eyebrow at his lover.
Duo blushed. "Well, you weren't just any virgin. Besides, I already knew you were great at everything, so you'd be a quick learner. And it's not like you gave
me much choice in the matter."
"Hn, you'd make a much more dangerous seme than I did. You'd have given out after half an hour and left me hanging. Then I would have had to kill you for
it, leaving me completely unsatisfied. I'd never risk it."
Heero was looking so serious that Quatre snickered, hiding his grin behind his hand. "You two..."
>>Unable and unwilling to tear his eyes away from
>>the tempting boy when he was in such a position,
"Get them away from me! Stay away!" Duo flailed, his voice pitched like a girl in distress. "Hee~eero! Save me?! The snake and eyes are after me...!"
"You shouldn't have gotten in that position and tempted them," Heero returned casually. "Suffer the consequences."
"Eh?!" Duo's eyes widened. "You're blaming *me* for this?!"
"Yes. Like I said, your braid and your ass. And you turned them both to Wufei. You have no one to blame but yourself."
"No way! You can't blame me for looking hot - he's the one who's supposed to be resisting it." Duo turned to scowl at Wufei. "Complete lack of self control."
"You..." Wufei gritted his teeth, embarrassment and anger mixing on his red face. "Don't make me strangle you with your braid."
Quatre smiled. "I didn't know you were into bondage, Wufei."
>>Wufei didn't realize he'd moved until he found
>>himself standing a foot away.
"Oh, man," Duo moaned, hiding his face in his hands. "He's going to grope me while my back is turned. What happened to honor...?"
"I would never do such a thing," Wufei spat.
"We'll see," Quatre said pleasantly.
>>Silently cursing his lust,
"That's right," Duo sniffled. "You tell that lust to behave itself. Or I'll sic Heero on you."
Heero raised an eyebrow and smirked when Wufei turned to stare at him. The boy looked a bit wary.
"It's just a story," Wufei mumbled.
>>he forced himself to halt, his eyes disobeying
>>the order as they continued to watch Duo.
"He can control his body, but not his roaming eyes." Quatre shook his head, that pleasant smile still on his face. "And there are so many more muscles to
control in the body. I'd say it's selective rebellion here."
>>Catching hold of his shirt, Duo leaned back,
"Bumping into Wufei and feeling his-" Quatre huffed when Trowa's hand covered his mouth again. His eyes sparkled and he flicked his tongue over the boy's
palm. Trowa pulled away with a bright blush.
>>standing and turning as he looked to Wufei.
"And saw the evidence of the boy's-" A hand moved toward his mouth, and Quatre stuck his tongue out, making Trowa pull back just as quickly. "Now's not
the time for foreplay," he teased.
Despite himself, Duo smirked. "Yeah, Trowa. If you want some, wait till later. You can use the guestroom."
Trowa sniffed, his cheeks still pink. "I was trying to stop him from making the story worse. But if you want him to continue..."
Duo blinked quickly and shook his head.
"Too late," Heero said. "Quatre has as much right to tease you as you did to him earlier."
"Exactly," Quatre smiled.
>>Startled to find him so close, Duo let out a
>>surprised cry, eyes widening as he felt himself
"I knew it," Duo frowned. "I'm going to drown. That scenario isn't needed, though, not when Wufei's already stalking me with his rustling trouser snake and
Wufei sniffed. "I'd sooner let you drown."
>>Gasping in relief when his arms were grabbed
"Oh, right," Duo said, rolling his eyes. "Like I'd really be relieved that he grabbed me. The water's better than playing uke to a virgin Wufei. He'd probably kill
Face quite dark, Wufei scowled. "Are you saying I'm incompetent?"
"Yeah," Duo said. "That's exactly what I'm saying, virgin-boy."
"Enough," Heero said calmly. "Not to spoil things for you, Duo, but Wufei is not a virgin in this story." Wide eyes turned to him, and he smirked at the two
boys' surprised expressions. "You forget, I skimmed ahead."
Duo blanched. "Does that mean I can't complain...?"
"No," Heero smirked, "Just that you can't complain about him being a virgin in the story."
"That's what I meant." With a worried and disappointed sigh, Duo shifted deeper in his chair. "This story sucks."
"No," Quatre smiled, "but if you're lucky, maybe Wufei will."
>>and he was jerked away from the edge of the pool,
"Oh, thank you," Quatre mimicked, "for not letting me get my already soaked body all wet again by falling into the water. How can I ever repay you...?"
"I can think of a few ways," Trowa murmured, his tone neutral.
Heero snorted, and Duo nearly fell out of his chair. Catching himself, Duo stared at the pair in disbelief. "Quatre, I'm shocked. And Trowa - encouraging
The two boys smirked, Quatre making himself comfortable on Trowa's arm.
>>He was just about to thank him
"And what manner of thanks did you have in mind?" Quatre asked, fluttering his eyelashes at Trowa.
"Come with me and I'll show you," the boy returned, his voice still quite normal sounding.
This time even Wufei smirked at their antics.
>>when he froze, feeling something hard pressing
"It's the snake," Duo moaned, hiding his face again. "Why me?"
"You?" Wufei asked, his eyes narrow. "Why *me*? You think I want you pressing my...my..."
"Snake," Heero supplied. Wufei closed his mouth with a dark blush.
"Better than calling it member," Quatre quipped.
>>as his eyes flew to Wufei's. Those normally
>>glaring black eyes were surprisingly wide,
"The better to see me with," Duo sniffled, peeking between his fingers. "He's going to jump me any second now."
Wufei shook his dark face, folding his arms over his chest. "You focus better with narrowed eyes," he muttered.
>>and had a cornered yet lustful appearance.
"Why is *he* looking cornered?" Duo asked, his wide eyes shifting to Heero. "I'm the one between him and the pool."
"Because," Heero answered, "he's about to give into his baser instincts."
Duo groaned again, his face dark with embarrassment and discomfort. "I don't want to read this..."
Duo gave a tentative smile, not quite in the spirit. "Hay is for horses, sometimes for cows. Pigs don't eat it 'cause they don't know how." The others turned to
stare at him, and he shrugged, his smile widening a bit. "I've always wanted an excuse to say that."
>>Flushing at Duo's soft voice, Wufei released
"Free at last, free at last!" Duo beamed, waving his hands in the air. "Thank Shinigami, I'm free at last!"
Quatre smirked and shook his head at the boy. "I don't think Shinigami is the proper deity for that quote."
"And it's far too early to be celebrating," Heero said. The excited American turned to stare at him warily, and he smirked. "Keep reading."
>>cursing himself as he prayed the other boy
>>hadn't noticed his erection.
"As if I could miss it," Duo said, rolling his eyes. "Not when I was pressed right up against it." He sniffed at Wufei and paused on the boy's uncomfortable
glare. A small smirk lifted his lips. "Unless it's really small."
Duo snickered, ducking closer to Heero just in case the boy jumped over the table after him. "I'm kidding, really. I'm sure you're more than adequate. You'd
have to be, if you're lovers with Zechs." That got a sharp reaction and he let out a little 'eep' when the boy stood up. "Heero! He's going to hurt me!"
"If he did, it would be deserved. Stop taunting him." Heero sniffed as he pushed Duo back into his seat, then turned a hard look on Wufei. "You aren't afraid
of a story written by a teenage girl, are you?" Wufei bristled, but he did take his seat again. "I didn't think so."
>>A glance had him wincing as he saw those violet
>>eyes sparkle suddenly. Duo smirked,
"Why would I smirk?" Duo asked, frowning at the text. "Am I going to make fun of him?"
"Knowing you, the answer would be yes," Heero said. "But since this is a story, it's hard to tell."
"Well, I don't like it. I don't see any reason I'd be smirking over Wufei's erection." Duo sniffed, not really enjoying Wufei's flustered expression as much as he
normally would. "This is completely out of character."
>>head tilting to one side before he took a
>>step toward him.
"No!" Duo told his fictional self, "Don't go closer! It's a trouser snake, don't you know that?! Run, you idiot!"
Quatre snickered lightly. "I don't think yelling will make much difference, Duo."
"Maybe not," Duo glared, "but I can sure as hell try."
>>"Was that what I think it was?" Duo asked,
"I'm a moron," Duo groaned, hiding his face again. "This fic sucks."
"I agree with both statements," Wufei said.
Duo's head snapped up, outrage widening his eyes. "Hey...!"
>>voice teasing as he fought his surprise.
>>Blinking when Wufei turned his head away and
"He just admitted it," Quatre said. He turned surprised eyes on Wufei. "I didn't think you were the type to admit something like that." The boy blushed darker,
scowling at the table.
"Well," Heero said, "Wufei is rather frank about most subjects. And it would be difficult to lie about this one."
"Yeah," Duo sniffed, "especially when I had it pressed right up against me." He shot a look at Wufei. "Like to see you try and worm your way out of this one."
Quatre raised an eyebrow. "Worm? Is that what you're calling it now? I think I prefer snake. Worm just makes it sound too small."
>>he felt pleasure run through him. There was
>>something about knowing the other boy wanted
>>him that was both immensely flattering and
"Attractive?" Duo snorted. "Not likely. Flattering maybe, but definitely not attractive. It's Wufei, after all." The black-haired boy scowled at him from across
the table, and Duo paused for a moment. Then he tilted his head a bit and gave a slight smirk. "Well, maybe if you had you hair down and were coated in
Wufei reeled, nearly falling off his chair.
Heero turned a slow gaze to his lover and cleared his throat. Duo flushed guiltily. "Heh...just a thought."
With a bright smile for the blushing Wufei, Quatre nodded. "He'd look good like that, don't you think so, Trowa?"
Wufei's face blazed darker and he slunk down in his chair, not meeting any of the looks being sent to him.
>>Biting his lip, he took a quick breath before
>>laying a hand on the black-haired boy's shoulder,
>>his voice low.
"Don't worry about it," Duo mimicked, "it happens to everyone eventually. It's called puberty. It'll pass."
Wufei growled. "I'm not an idiot."
"Or a virgin," Heero added, "at least not in this fic."
Duo sniffed. "Spoil sport."
>>"Need some help with that?"
"What?!" Duo choked, falling into a coughing fit to the point where Heero actually reached over to hold him steady in his chair.
Quatre raised an eyebrow, looking at Duo in mock awe. "You're so bold. Offering to...help him with his problem. Rather assertive for an uke."
"I keep telling him that," Heero said, his tone almost wistful. "He just doesn't get it."
>>Eyes widening in shock, Wufei stiffened for a
"A second?" Trowa glanced down at Quatre, the blonde boy still leaning against his side. "Wasn't he stiff to begin with?"
"Well," Quatre said slowly, "part of him was. I guess that means all of him stiffened. I can't blame him, what with Duo's offer and all."
"I'm not a slut!"
Heero snorted at the outrage written over Duo's face and patted a light hand on the back of the boy's head. "Only with me."
"Damn straight," Duo scowled. Then he blinked. "Hey..."
>>before whirling to face the boy, taking in Duo's
"Right," Duo said. "A second ago I offered to blow him and now I'm hesitant? A little late for that."
"Having second thoughts?" Quatre asked.
Duo glared. "If it were real, I'd never have had first thoughts."
"Good," Wufei glowered. "If you ever offered that to me, I'd kill you." He caught a look from Heero, but the boy wasn't glaring at him.
Heero nodded sharply. "I'd help."
"Heero..." Duo scowled and grumbled in his chair.
>>He didn't have to think of an answer to that,
"Of course not," Quatre smiled. "He's still hard. Maybe it was a rhetorical question."
>>and he closed the distance between them in one
"Okay," Duo said quickly, staring at the text. "Now tell him you were just joking. If you blow him, you won't need Wufei or Heero to kill you - I'll do it myself!"
Quatre snickered behind his hand. "Didn't think you were the suicidal type," he commented.
>>Black eyes glinting dangerously, he gritted
>>his teeth. "Don't tease me," he ground out.
Wufei gave a vigorous nod. "I'd never take that pervert seriously."
"I don't know," Quatre said, looking over at him. "It sounds like you're frustrated. And we know there's a 5x2 in this fic." The black-haired boy glared at him,
and he shrugged. "It was in the warning."
"Stupid porno," Duo muttered. "This is so fake."
"You didn't complain when it was showing Trowa and Quatre," Heero reminded him. "There's a phrase for this."
Quatre beamed and gave him a sharp nod. "Payback's a bitch."
>>He knew the boy liked Heero, and he was in
>>no mood to be tormented.
"No," Quatre sympathized, "he's in the mood to be laid."
Wufei bristled and turned to stare at the blonde. "I have lost all respect for you."
Trowa frowned, but Quatre gave an impish smile, not the least bit bothered. "Is that what you'll say after the 5x4? I had no idea you were the type to have sex
and then blame your partner."
"Dishonorable," Duo said. "Wufei...I thought better of you."
His mouth opened, but Wufei closed it again, glaring at his folded arms. "I withdraw the statement."
Quatre smiled. "I thought you might."
>>"Actually," Duo said slowly, eyes moving over
>>the boy's loose white clothing
"Don't be fooled by how loose it is," Duo warned, his expression dark. "You already know what's hiding in there."
"I think that's the point," Quatre said pleasantly. "You're hoping to catch a glimpse of it through his clothing."
Duo flushed and glared at the boy. "I wouldn't need to - I already had it shoved up against me! That was more than enough."
Wufei's eyebrow twitched, but he managed to hold onto his dignity as much as he could given what they were reading. "You're the one offering to take care of
it," he shot back.
Duo blazed red, and he leaned close to the table. "I did not! I asked if you wanted help with-"
Silence crept over the table, broken by Heero's snort. Duo had his hands over his mouth, but it was a little late for that.
>>before meeting his gaze, "I was serious."
"Seriously disturbed," Duo muttered.
"It's okay," Quatre said kindly, "maybe he'll take his hair down for you."
"Not good enough," Duo said. "I wouldn't blow him even if he and Heero were *both* naked and covered in baby oil. Anything that goes in my mouth gets
bitten off and swallowed, end of story."
Heero's eyebrow twitched, and he glared when Trowa sent him a look. He ended up dropping his gaze with a low voiced grumble. The taller boy let out a soft
laugh that made his face burn.
>>Deciding to call the boy's bluff, Wufei grabbed
"Here we go," Quatre beamed happily. He smiled at Duo's dark expression. "You were right, this is fun to read."
>>jerking his damp body close as one hand gripped
>>his wet braid. He tugged on the boy's hair,
"Don't pull my hair!" Duo glared death at Wufei, his hands tight on the edge of the table. "No one pulls my hair unless he wants to die."
Heero gave a sharp nod, his hand twisting around the edge of Duo's braid. "Except me."
Duo winced and a bead of sweat trailed down his cheek when he looked at his lover. Heero was holding his braid in a blatantly possessive manner.
Wufei snorted. "Like I'd want to touch your rat's tail."
"What did you say?!" Duo started to rise, but Heero beat him to it with merely a look at Wufei.
Holding the Chinese boy's gaze, as well as the end of Duo's braid, Heero frowned. "Don't go there."
Wufei blanched and leaned away silently.
>>moving forward to kiss him, and he froze
"As he felt a gun pressed to his temple," Duo finished. "Heero made a low 'hn' and pulled the trigger."
Heero snorted, but smirked at Wufei's pale face.
>>when Duo not only returned the kiss but
>>pressed his own erection to his.
"In his dreams," Duo glared, folding his arms over his chest. "Just the thought of kissing Wufei makes me all squicky..."
Wufei sniffed at the boy. "The feeling is mutual."
>>Breath catching, Wufei wrapped an arm around
>>Duo as they pressed close, mouths moving
Duo caught Wufei's gaze and the two boys nodded at each other, their voices coming in unison as their mouths moved together to form the word, "Squick."
>>When he finally released the boy, Wufei
>>stood breathing quickly,
"Air," Duo moaned, mock panting over the table. "Must have air..." He blinked bright eyes over at Heero. "Where's my mouth wash?"
"Like you need it," Wufei snorted. "You probably taste wretched with all the junk food you eat."
"Only when he eats pizza," Heero shrugged. "It's not too bad if I eat a bit of it before I kiss him."
Duo blushed and gave his lover a weak glare. "He doesn't need to know that."
Heero smirked. "No," he said, remembering Duo's taunt from earlier. "Consider it a gift."
Wufei couldn't help but smirk at the boy's tone. "Remind me never to accept a gift from either of you."
>>his black eyes showing his surprise and his
"How?" Duo asked, blinking wide eyes at Wufei. "Do your eyes reflect your erection? That's weird."
"And stupid," Wufei sniffed. "My eyes aren't black, they're dark brown."
Quatre blinked, leaning a bit closer to the boy as he looked. "They are." He gave a weak smile as he shifted against Trowa again. "They do look black from a
"Yep," Duo nodded. "Black roving eyes, he's an evil one, Wufei is."
>>"You'll ruin your clothes," Duo said, licking
>>his lips in reaction to the boy's expression.
"No!" Duo said sharply. "You're not hungry! And even if you are, you have better taste than that. Stop drooling over him. If you're that hungry, just get
yourself a sandwich."
Quatre tilted his head, a thoughtful expression crossing his face. "You know, some people eat snake."
Duo choked, sputtering at the boy. "You're sick."
>>"Why don't you take them off."
"Okay," Duo glared. "That settles it - this guy definitely isn't me. She'd have done better to use one of my cliché storylines. At least then I could hit my head
and have an excuse for coming onto Wufei. I mean, I could see him drooling over me, but there's no way I'd be the one doing it."
"I'd never drool over you," Wufei shot back, his own expression just as disgusted. "I'd sooner be attracted to Quatre, than I would to you."
The blonde boy blushed, turning wide eyes on Wufei. "You would?"
With a laugh, Duo waved a finger at the blushing boys. "Hah! So that's it, Wufei really *was* jealous of that 3x4 lemon! Trowa, you better watch out. Might
not want to have those two sitting so close to each other."
The tall boy frowned, looking from Quatre to Wufei's mortified expression. "Sorry, Wufei, but I don't intend to share."
"No," Quatre said quickly, his expression still quite stunned.
Wufei coughed, glaring weakly at the two. "I was just saying that Duo is the last person I'd ever be interested in, not that I..."
"Heh, you put your foot in your mouth this time," Duo smirked. "How did Heero put it earlier? Might as well chew on it for a while."
* * *