>>
>>"Need some help with that?"
>>

"What?!"  Duo choked, falling into a coughing fit to the point where Heero actually reached over to hold him steady in his chair.

Quatre raised an eyebrow, looking at Duo in mock awe.  "You're so bold.  Offering to...help him with his problem.  Rather assertive for an uke."

"I keep telling him that," Heero said, his tone almost wistful.  "He just doesn't get it."

>>
>>Eyes widening in shock, Wufei stiffened for a
>>second
>>

"A second?"  Trowa glanced down at Quatre, the blonde boy still leaning against his side.  "Wasn't he stiff to begin with?"

"Well," Quatre said slowly, "part of him was.  I guess that means all of him stiffened.  I can't blame him, what with Duo's offer and all."

"I'm not a slut!"

Heero snorted at the outrage written over Duo's face and patted a light hand on the back of the boy's head.  "Only with me."

"Damn straight," Duo scowled.  Then he blinked.  "Hey..."

>>
>>before whirling to face the boy, taking in Duo's
>>hesitant expression.
>>

"Right," Duo said.  "A second ago I offered to blow him and now I'm hesitant?  A little late for that."

"Having second thoughts?" Quatre asked.

Duo glared.  "If it were real, I'd never have had first thoughts."

"Good," Wufei glowered.  "If you ever offered that to me, I'd kill you."  He caught a look from Heero, but the boy wasn't glaring at him.

Heero nodded sharply.  "I'd help."

"Heero..."  Duo scowled and grumbled in his chair.

>>
>>He didn't have to think of an answer to that,
>>

"Of course not," Quatre smiled.  "He's still hard.  Maybe it was a rhetorical question."

>>
>>and he closed the distance between them in one
>>step.
>>

"Okay," Duo said quickly, staring at the text.  "Now tell him you were just joking.  If you blow him, you won't need Wufei or Heero to kill you - I'll do it myself!"

Quatre snickered behind his hand.  "Didn't think you were the suicidal type," he commented.

>>
>>Black eyes glinting dangerously, he gritted
>>his teeth. "Don't tease me," he ground out.
>>

Wufei gave a vigorous nod.  "I'd never take that pervert seriously."

"I don't know," Quatre said, looking over at him.  "It sounds like you're frustrated.  And we know there's a 5x2 in this fic."  The black-haired boy glared at him, and he shrugged.  "It was in the warning."

"Stupid porno," Duo muttered.  "This is so fake."

"You didn't complain when it was showing Trowa and Quatre," Heero reminded him.  "There's a phrase for this."

Quatre beamed and gave him a sharp nod.  "Payback's a bitch."

>>
>>He knew the boy liked Heero, and he was in
>>no mood to be tormented.
>>

"No," Quatre sympathized, "he's in the mood to be laid."

Wufei bristled and turned to stare at the blonde.  "I have lost all respect for you."

Trowa frowned, but Quatre gave an impish smile, not the least bit bothered.  "Is that what you'll say after the 5x4?  I had no idea you were the type to have sex and then blame your partner."

"Dishonorable," Duo said.  "Wufei...I thought better of you."

His mouth opened, but Wufei closed it again, glaring at his folded arms.  "I withdraw the statement."

Quatre smiled.  "I thought you might."

>>
>>"Actually," Duo said slowly, eyes moving over
>>the boy's loose white clothing
>>

"Don't be fooled by how loose it is," Duo warned, his expression dark.  "You already know what's hiding in there."

"I think that's the point," Quatre said pleasantly.  "You're hoping to catch a glimpse of it through his clothing."

Duo flushed and glared at the boy.  "I wouldn't need to - I already had it shoved up against me!  That was more than enough."

Wufei's eyebrow twitched, but he managed to hold onto his dignity as much as he could given what they were reading.  "You're the one offering to take care of it," he shot back.

Duo blazed red, and he leaned close to the table.  "I did not!  I asked if you wanted help with-"

Silence crept over the table, broken by Heero's snort.  Duo had his hands over his mouth, but it was a little late for that.

>>
>>before meeting his gaze, "I was serious."
>>

"Seriously disturbed," Duo muttered.

"It's okay," Quatre said kindly, "maybe he'll take his hair down for you."

"Not good enough," Duo said.  "I wouldn't blow him even if he and Heero were *both* naked and covered in baby oil.  Anything that goes in my mouth gets bitten off and swallowed, end of story."

Heero's eyebrow twitched, and he glared when Trowa sent him a look.  He ended up dropping his gaze with a low voiced grumble.  The taller boy let out a soft laugh that made his face burn.

>>
>>Deciding to call the boy's bluff, Wufei grabbed
>>him,
>>

"Here we go," Quatre beamed happily.  He smiled at Duo's dark expression.  "You were right, this is fun to read."

"Shut up."

>>
>>jerking his damp body close as one hand gripped
>>his wet braid. He tugged on the boy's hair,
>>

"Don't pull my hair!"  Duo glared death at Wufei, his hands tight on the edge of the table.  "No one pulls my hair unless he wants to die."

Heero gave a sharp nod, his hand twisting around the edge of Duo's braid.  "Except me."

Duo winced and a bead of sweat trailed down his cheek when he looked at his lover.  Heero was holding his braid in a blatantly possessive manner.  "Uh...right."

Wufei snorted.  "Like I'd want to touch your rat's tail."

"What did you say?!"  Duo started to rise, but Heero beat him to it with merely a look at Wufei.

Holding the Chinese boy's gaze, as well as the end of Duo's braid, Heero frowned.  "Don't go there."

Wufei blanched and leaned away silently.

>>
>>moving forward to kiss him, and he froze
>>momentarily
>>

"As he felt a gun pressed to his temple," Duo finished.  "Heero made a low 'hn' and pulled the trigger."

Heero snorted, but smirked at Wufei's pale face.

>>
>>when Duo not only returned the kiss but
>>pressed his own erection to his.
>>

"In his dreams," Duo glared, folding his arms over his chest.  "Just the thought of kissing Wufei makes me all squicky..."

Wufei sniffed at the boy.  "The feeling is mutual."

>>
>>Breath catching, Wufei wrapped an arm around
>>Duo as they pressed close, mouths moving
>>together.
>>

Duo caught Wufei's gaze and the two boys nodded at each other, their voices coming in unison as their mouths moved together, "Squick."

>>
>>When he finally released the boy, Wufei
>>stood breathing quickly,
>>

"Air," Duo moaned, mock panting over the table.  "Must have air..."  He blinked bright eyes over at Heero.  "Where's my mouth wash?"

"Like you need it," Wufei snorted.  "You probably taste wretched with all the junk food you eat."

"Only when he eats pizza," Heero shrugged.  "It's not too bad if I eat a bit of it before I kiss him."

Duo blushed and gave his lover a weak glare.  "He doesn't need to know that."

Heero smirked.  "No," he said, remembering Duo's taunt from earlier.  "Consider it a gift."

Wufei couldn't help but smirk at the boy's tone.  "Remind me never to accept a gift from either of you."

>>
>>his black eyes showing his surprise and his
>>lust.
>>

"How?" Duo asked, blinking wide eyes at Wufei.  "Do your eyes reflect your erection?  That's weird."

"And stupid," Wufei sniffed.  "My eyes aren't black, they're dark brown."

Quatre blinked, leaning a bit closer to the boy as he looked.  "They are."  He gave a weak smile as he shifted against Trowa again.  "They do look black from a distance, though."

"Yep," Duo nodded.  "Black roving eyes, he's an evil one, Wufei is."

>>
>>"You'll ruin your clothes," Duo said, licking
>>his lips in reaction to the boy's expression.
>>

"No!" Duo said sharply.  "You're not hungry!  And even if you are, you have better taste than that.  Stop drooling over him.  If you're that hungry, just get yourself a sandwich."

Quatre tilted his head, a thoughtful expression crossing his face.  "You know, some people eat snake."

Duo choked, sputtering at the boy.  "You're sick."

>>
>>"Why don't you take them off."
>>

"Okay," Duo glared.  "That settles it - this guy definitely isn't me.  She'd have done better to use one of my cliché storylines.  At least then I could hit my head and have an excuse for coming onto Wufei.  I mean, I could see him drooling over me, but there's no way I'd be the one doing it."

"I'd never drool over you," Wufei shot back, his own expression just as disgusted.  "I'd sooner be attracted to Quatre, than I would to you."

The blonde boy blushed, turning wide eyes on Wufei.  "You would?"

Wufei choked.

With a laugh, Duo waved a finger at the blushing boys.  "Hah!  So that's it, Wufei really *was* jealous of that 3x4 lemon!  Trowa, you better watch out.  Might not want to have those two sitting so close to each other."

The tall boy frowned, looking from Quatre to Wufei's mortified expression.  "Sorry, Wufei, but I don't intend to share."

"No," Quatre said quickly, his expression still quite stunned.

Wufei coughed, glaring weakly at the two.  "I was just saying that Duo is the last person I'd ever be interested in, not that I..."

"Heh, you put your foot in your mouth this time," Duo smirked.  "How did Heero put it earlier?  Might as well chew on it for a while."

* * *
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