Category:  Anime, Gundam Wing, Yaoi, TWT
Warnings:  major angst, rape, shonen ai
Pairings:  1x2
Author:  Arigatomina


"We found his weakness, sir," the assistant's eyes were shining at his accomplishment.

"Excellent. I knew he had to have one, no matter how perfect they trained him to be, no training is flawless. What is it?" The general's eyes were bright as well,
but they shone with a darker light.

"Not a what, sir, but a who. One of the other pilots, Duo Maxwell. As far as we can tell, he was in love with him."

"This is simply too much. It shouldn't be this easy, but who am I to argue with such luck. Send word to our men, I want that pilot captured and brought in
immediately. It would be the perfect opportunity to test the subject's resolve. If our experiment worked, he'll do and believe anything we tell him. What better
way to test him than to use someone he loves. I'll plan a suitable test myself. Inform me immediately when they catch the other pilot." With a dark, eager look,
the general exited the room.

"Yeah," one of the assistants muttered softly, looking in sympathy at the unconscious boy strapped to the bed, "He'll plan a test. Your friend is as good as
dead. Actually, before this is over, he'll wish he were."

* * *

//Who are these people? I know they're not OZ, but then who? And how did they find the safehouse? Only we know where it is, even Relena hasn't been able
to find it. We know...Heero. Is it possible they have him? He's been missing for weeks, but. . . they'd never have broken him. Still, I don't think they got anybody
else. I was their objective and how else would they know which room was mine?// Duo looked around the cell he was in. It was so stark. And cold. The metal
cuffs around his wrists were freezing. //Man, how could they get into my room without anyone noticing. . .//

Duo looked up quickly as the door to his cell was thrown open. Then he was on his feet, eyes glowing with relief, "Heero!" He looked around for guards, but
only the Japanese boy stood there, eyes dark with something he didn't recognize, mouth curved in a tiny, chilling smile. "Heero. . .? Are you alright?" Duo
started to move forward, when Heero suddenly closed the space between them, fist arching in a blow to the stomach that sent Duo into the wall. Groaning,
Duo lifted his head to see Heero kneeling in front of him. "What was that for?!"

Still smiling, Heero gripped Duo's hair, slamming his head against the wall, causing stars to explode in his eyes. Groggily, Duo blinked at Heero in disbelief,

Heero's fist cracked against his face, and he slumped to the floor, unable to move. Fog filled his mind, as he was vaguely aware of his body being shifted, then
abrupt pain, sharp and burning, bringing him to consciousness. Shaking his head, Duo tried not to believe what Heero was doing to him. But the flushed face
was Heero's, the hand over his mouth using inhuman force as fingernails dug into his skin, cutting him. //No. Why. Why is he doing this?// Duo closed his eyes,
not wanting to see that beloved face on the body violating him. //Someone must have done something to him. He wouldn't do this freely.//

The hand left his mouth as Heero gripped his hips, shoving into him at a faster rate. "Heero! Please stop this, it's Duo. Don't do this to me--" Duo's eyes
widened as his pleas were abruptly cut off as Heero's eyes snapped to his and the hand returned, covering his nose as well. Cutting off his oxygen.

"I know." Heero's voice was cold, the sick smile playing his lips, his flushed face showing his pleasure. "I know who you are."

Body begging for air, Duo convulsed, arching up toward Heero, closing tightly around him. With a harsh cry, Heero came, removing his hand and collapsing on
Duo's shuddering body. Gasping desperately at the air, Duo felt hot tears stream down his cheeks. //How could you, Heero! Oh God, I loved you. . .//

Slowly, Heero propped himself up so that he loomed over the other boy. Leaning down, he lapped at the tears and the blood caused by his fingernails before
getting up. "Liked that, huh? Well, it gets better." Standing, Heero caught Duo's tear-filled eyes, smirked and snapped his fingers. The door was opened and a
number of men entered, eyeing the wide violet eyes with unconcealed lust. Still smirking, Heero crouched near Duo's head and pulled him off the floor.
Kneeling behind him, Heero threw his shackled wrists over his neck, wrapping his arms around Duo's chest. Then his arms tightened until they were beneath
his neck, forcing his head back until he could see Heero's smiling face above and behind him.

"Heero..." Duo whispered desperately, begging, but the arms tightened slightly, threatening to choke him and he broke off his pleas. Heero's mouth
descended to take his violently, and he felt someone spreading his legs, shoving them aside as another hard length entered him, tearing him more. Heero's
head lifted to look down at Duo's body and the man thrusting into him. He let out a lust filled moan and took Duo's mouth again. //No...he's enjoying this.// Duo
sobbed into Heero's mouth, //I love you! How can you do this!?//

* * *

"Heero!" Quatre sat up abruptly, eyes wide in horror, body shaking violently. Strong arms wrapped around him, as Trowa pulled him in for comfort.

"What is it, Quatre?" his voice filled with concern.

"It's Duo...Heero is...but it's not Heero." Quatre looked at Trowa, tears streaming down his pale cheeks. "Someone has done something to Heero, brainwashed
him or something. He doesn't know what he's doing! We have to do something... he'll kill Duo!"

"Where is he?" Trowa's voice sounded calm, but Quatre could hear the concern.

"I think I can find him, but what if I can't bring him back? What if--"

"Do you feel you can?" Trowa grasped his chin gently, lifting his face so their eyes met.


"Then you can. Come on. Let's go find him."

* * *

"This is wonderful. The test couldn't have had better results. Take the other pilot to RGF. We can use him again to make sure the drugs don't wear off. And
send our friend to pick up his gundam." The general's face was flushed from watching the vids. It was all his assistant could do not to let his disgust show.

"Yes sir."

* * *

//Hate him. I hate you. I'll never forgive you. I don't care why you did it. Don't care if it was for a mission. I would never do that. I'd never hurt you like that. I hate
you forever. If I live, I'll never speak to you again. I hate you.//

* * *

"Quatre?!" Trowa pulled the shaking boy into his arms, "What is it? If you're not up to this..."

"No, I'm ready for's Duo..."

"We'll find him."

"Trowa...he's so full of darkness, hate..."

"He doesn't understand."

"Let's go." Quatre shook himself and looked at the closed door. "Let's go before he breaks his wrists trying to get loose."

When they opened the door, they realized Heero hadn't gone quite that far yet. His wrists were bloody, but not broken. A gag was in his mouth, hatred in his
eyes. Quatre looked at Trowa who nodded, moving to the back of the room. Leaving Quatre to do what he could for the psychotic boy in the chair. They'd
barely caught him as he'd tried to get his gundam. Now it was up to Quatre.

* * *

With a soft groan, Quatre put a hand to his head. Eight hours had passed. He'd thought he'd finally broken through, but Heero had suddenly started to
struggle more furiously than ever. Quatre turned to look at Trowa, despair written across his features. Trowa met his eyes immediately. "Look at him."

Quatre turned and gasped. There were tears running down Heero's face as he continued to struggle. Gesturing for Quatre to step back, Trowa moved to
Heero, who stilled immediately. Carefully, Trowa undid his gag and stepped back, not putting it past the pilot to try to bite him. Instead, Heero bowed his head,
letting out a long cry of anguish.

" you remember who you are?" Quatre asked tentatively, unable to resist laying a hand on Heero's shoulder despite Trowa's warning frown.

"Is..." Heero's voice was raw, choked, "Is he alright?" Heero raised his head to look at Quatre, eyes blank.

Quatre bit his lip and glanced at Trowa.

"What?" Heero's eyes shined with horror, "Where is he?"

"We don't know," Trowa said, his voice carefully neutral. "The only reason we found you was because Quatre felt you would be coming for your gundam. All we
know about Duo is that he's alive." Trowa shot a quick glance at Quatre, who nodded to confirm his words. "Do you remember where they were keeping you?
Anything that might help?"

Heero blanched, his skin turning white and he bowed his head again. "I remember everything." He took a shaky breath, then straightened abruptly,
determination written on his face. "Untie me. We have to hurry."

Trowa nodded, and moved quickly to comply.

* * *

"It seems our friend has returned," the general smiled at one of his officers before turning to the boy standing in front of him. "Did you retrieve the gundam?"

Pulling a gun, Heero shot the two soldiers flanking him and aimed it at the general's head. The man's eyes first widened in shock, then narrowed in anger.

"What are you doing?!" He turned to look down at the two corpses. "You are only to follow orders. What is the meaning of this?!" He looked outraged. His eyes
widened as Heero cocked the gun.

"Where is Duo?"

Dawning realization bloomed over the man's face as he realized the drug had worn off. "Kill me and you'll never see him again!" Heero shook his head, face
carefully expressionless.

"I don't have to kill you, I can simply make you wish you were dead. Now...where is he?"

The man stared at him for a minute, "RGF, sublevel 3. The cell is voice activated. It only responds to my command. You'll have to bring me with you."

"I don't think so," Trowa said, stepping into the room. "All we have to do is record your voice giving the command and play it back. After that we can kill you."
The general started to shake.

"No." Trowa looked at Heero and raised an eyebrow. "He's mine. Get the command and take him to our hangar. I'll deal with him later."

Trowa looked a bit queasy for a minute, then he thought about Duo and his mouth tightened. "Alright."

* * *

Duo didn't look up when the door opened. He was sitting in a corner of the darkened cell, knees drawn up to his chest, cuffed wrists wrapped around his
knees. His head was bowed so his forehead rested on his knees. Not only did he not look up at the loud sound of the cell being opened, he didn't even flinch.
Although they'd left him his pants, it was freezing without a shirt, so he'd taken his hair down, letting it protect his back. After hours of shivering, he'd fallen into
a fitfull sleep.

Heero stood frozen in the doorway, knowing he should have left this to Trowa. It was dark in the cell, and if he hadn't heard Duo's strained breathing, he
wouldn't have believed he was alive. It was so cold. Stepping silently across the room, Heero couldn't resist laying a gentle hand on that bowed head. Duo
shuddered, a slight whimper escaping. "Duo..."

Duo awoke immediately, jerking against the wall. Eyes wide, he focused on Heero, tears filling his eyes as he recognized him. With a small choked cry, Duo
ducked his head, shackled wrists raised to protect him. Tears trailing down his own cheeks, Heero fell to his knees beside the quaking form. "Oh Duo..."
Ignoring the weak protests, Heero lifted him, carrying him quickly to the door. He met Trowa outside.

"Is he alright?" Trowa's face and voice were expressionless.

"He will be."

Duo's eyes flicked open at the sound of Trowa's voice. He felt his heart leap, but clamped down on the feeling, remembering Heero's betrayal, and who was
carrying him. Unable to help himself, //Damn my unending hope//, he slowly raised his head to peak up at the tall boy. Trowa's eyes narrowed.

"It's alright, Duo. No one will hurt you."

Duo closed his eyes, wanting more than anything to believe him, not daring to look at the boy holding him. He felt the arms around him tighten slightly for a
moment, reading it to be a warning. His heart sank. //Trowa doesn't know. I have to tell him...but I can't. Not in front of *him*.// He was unable to repress a
desolate sigh. Suddenly he felt Heero's hand pushing his head against that warm chest and he stilled a shudder. //God. I used to wish he'd treat me like this.//
Exhausted, he allowed himself to drift off. Heero was too smart to try anything in front of Trowa, and despite what he'd done, the arms around him were warm
and strong. Duo drifted to sleep.

* * *

Heero sat across the truck from Trowa, who was driving. In his sleep, Duo clutched at his shirt, burrowing his face against Heero's chest, trying to get closer,
seeking comfort. Unable to stop himself, //I have no right//, Heero lowered his head to the thick hair at Duo's nape, hiding his face in it. His arms tightened
involuntarily, pulling the boy closer. Duo whimpered, wrapping his own arms around Heero's waist, tucking his face into the warmth of Heero's neck. Heero
turned his head, resting his cheek against the top of Duo's head.

//It's finally happened. I knew the moment I loved someone I would destroy them. But Duo, you have to believe me...I didn't tell you because I thought that
would protect you. I thought simply hiding my love from you would be enough. I was afraid I'd end up hurting you but I never--never even dreamt I would do
something like this. If I'd known I would have left. I would have stayed away from you. I swear I would have. I don't want you to forgive me, I don't deserve it,
but...please forget what I've done. Don't let it take away your smile. I love your smile...//

* * *

Duo woke to find himself on a bed, warm covers thrown over him. Quatre was sitting beside him, blue eyes wide with compassion. Duo quickly searched the
room, but Heero was not there. "Quatre," he said pleadingly, "Will you shut the door?"

"Of course, Duo." Quatre did as he'd asked, returning to sit beside the bed, taking Duo's hand in both of his. Lifting his hand, Quatre pressed it to his cheek,
giving Duo a searching look. "What has happened? You don't hate him anymore. Did Heero tell--"

"Look Quatre," Duo tugged his hand free, "There's something I need to tell you about Heero. He's a traitor--"

"Oh Duo! I thought he told you!"

"T-told me what?" Duo looked at Quatre warily.

"He didn't know, Duo. He had no idea what he was doing. He'd been brainwashed. Given a drug. I'm telling you the truth, Duo." Quatre returned Duo's wide
gaze, "I don't believe he would have done that to an enemy, let alone a comrad. He had absolutely no control."

" do you know he isn't just saying that?" Quatre could feel that he wanted to believe, but was unwilling to be betrayed again.

"He didn't tell me, I felt it. It took me eight hours to bring him back. I'm sorry Duo. That's why it took us so long to get you out. You have to believe me, Heero
wouldn't do that to you."

"That..." Duo closed his eyes, letting out a small sob before smiling slightly, "That's what I kept telling myself. Over and over until I couldn't fight anymore."

"You shouldn't have doubted yourself. You know Heero better than any of us. And I know he cares a great deal about you."

Duo closed his eyes. //Yeah, and I love him. But...I swore I'd never forgive him. But it wasn't him. Not really. He didn't know. Oh God!// Duo sat up abruptly,
"Does he remember anything?"

For a minute Quatre looked as if he wouldn't answer, then he bowed his head. "He remembers everything."

//Oh God! I cried! I cried like some little child. Like a girl. I didn't even fight back. I was so weak.// Duo suddenly let out a sharp laugh. //I'm worrying about what
he'll think of me! I guess...I guess I have to talk to him. God this is humiliating.// Despite his thoughts, Duo could feel warmth entering his heart. Heero hadn't
meant to hurt him. He hadn't been betrayed by the one he loved. Suddenly he found himself looking forward to seeing Heero. Undoubtedly he'd act like his
normal cheerful self, Heero would mutter a few words about how a soldier is always prepared for such things, and they would both forget it ever happened.
Nothing would change. //I can still love him, and he can still get mad at my incessant chatter. Nothing has to change.//

* * *

Despite his upbeat thoughts, Duo found that he wasn't as eager to see Heero as he'd thought. Especially not in his room, so when Quatre told him that
Heero'd asked to talk to him, Duo'd begged off, saying he was too tired. Instead, he met him outside under some shade trees near their new safehouse. It was
the first time he'd left his room, he'd been too embarrassed to let the others realize how much walking hurt. It had taken a couple of days for the pain to stop.
So he went out early, and was sitting cross-legged, leaning against the base of a tree when he saw Heero walking across the grass toward him.

//Will he apologize?// Duo wondered as he watched Heero, //or yell at me for getting caught in the first place? If he yells at me I'll probably start bawling. Better
to get angry.// Duo stilled himself as Heero reached him, cobalt blue eyes finally raising to meet his. Duo couldn't stop himself from flinching at the intensity

Heero reacted to the flinch, slowly sitting. He didn't like the feeling of towering over the other pilot. It brought images of a cowering boy in a dark, cold cell.
Heero blanched at the violence evident on the bruised face, the half-crescents left by his fingernails.

Minutes passed in silence, each stealing glances at the other, neither knowing how to start. Duo, who'd never been comfortable with prolonged silences,
decided to get it over with. "Look, Heero, we don't actually have to talk about it. I mean, you didn't know what you were doing and I...I overreacted. It doesn't
change anything. Let's just put this behind us, yeah?"

Heero slowly shook his head, "I need to talk about it. I may not have known what I was doing, but that doesn't change what I did. I *violated* you. Mentally and
physically. You think you overreacted? How could you? You should hate me forever. To the point where you won't even look at me. And I deserve that. But no,
instead you say we should put this behind us. You are too forgiving. I'll never forgive myself for what I did, Duo. You are the most important person in my life,
and if there is ever anything...anything at all that I can do to..." Heero lowered his eyes, "I can't make this up to you. I know that, but if there is anything I can do
to make you feel better, punishment, whatever, I'll do it and gladly. I'll leave. Whatever you want." Heero looked up again, meeting Duo's pain-filled eyes.

Duo looked down quickly, a tear slipping down one of his cheeks. "Would you...would you hold me?"

Heero let out a harsh breath, and pulled Duo into his arms, "Forever." Stroking the back of Duo's head, Heero closed his eyes.