Category: Anime, Gundam Wing, Yaoi, TWT
Warnings:  major angst, rape, shonen ai, sap
Pairings: 3+4/4+3, 4x3, ?x4
Author: Arigatomina

For Love

There was no one to blame. That realization echoed in Trowa's mind as he stared down at his folded arms. If he could have taken responsibility for their
capture, he would have done so gladly as it would have meant he could hate and blame himself. To think that chance alone was responsible was too difficult a
thought, reminding him that even if they escaped they could be captured again through no fault of their own. And next time Quatre might be captured alone.
That, he knew, was the real reason he wanted someone to blame. He couldn't stand the thought that the boy was continually at risk. Yet they were gundam
pilots, risk was something they assumed every day. Glancing up, he found the blonde boy's eyes on him.

He was trying to be brave, doing his best not to let the other boy know how bad he felt. But he didn't think he was doing well as he simply couldn't ignore the
worry growing in his chest. It wasn't the first time he'd been captured, but there was something tearing at him. The fact that it was Trowa who'd been caught
with him no doubt had something to do with it. His feelings toward the boy had grown as they'd worked together and he knew in his heart that the boy was
going to be hurt. Still, he tried not to let this show on his face as he watched Trowa, taking in his neutral expression when the boy raised his green eyes. He
didn't seem bothered at all by the prospect of their torture, and Quatre refused to let his own misgivings show. Instead, he attempted to adopt the boy's look,
not flinching when the cell door was thrown open with a loud sound.

The man might have been Spanish in descent with his dark eyes, black hair and tan complexion. Closing the cell behind him, he let his eyes move over the
boys slowly, holding his gun in plain view as he leaned back against the door. He didn't seem bothered by their lack of evident fear, and the corners of his
eyes crinkled when he gave a small smile. Nodding as if they'd just introduced themselves, he motioned for Quatre to move closer to Trowa, using the gun to
make sure the boy obeyed. Once they were together, he let his smile widen slightly.

"I'm sure you know what happens now, yes? This is when I torture you till you tell me everything I want to know. As Gundam pilots you must be familiar with
this." The boys didn't move, watching him with similar expressions or lack thereof. "Well, I like to think I'm more original than that, but the best methods are the
best, yes? My orders are to break you or kill you. My options are simple, I can torture you or rape you. There are, of course, drugs that could be used to make
you tell your secrets, but I don't like to count on those." Still not getting a reaction from them, he smiled wider. "Tell me, are the two of you virgins?"

Staring at the man, Trowa felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach and while he didn't let it show, he waited for the first chance to kill him. He fought the
urge to simply tackle the man as he watched the gun he held travel from him to the pale boy sitting so close to him. It wasn't the first time he'd met a man like
this, but he knew Quatre was an innocent and it was sickening to imagine what the gentle boy must be going through. Wanting nothing more than to protect
the boy, he found himself unable to move as the man stepped towards them suddenly, gun aimed at Quatre's head.

"Come here," he said softly, voice low as his eyes latched onto the blonde boy. His hearing was sharp and he didn't miss the way the green-eyed boy's breath
caught. Jerking the gun, he waited as the pale boy stood slowly and walked to him. "That's good, real good. I don't suppose you'll make this easier on yourself
and just answer my questions, will you?" As he'd expected, the boy was silent, pale blue-green eyes narrowed as he watched him. Glancing to the corner, he
caught Trowa's eyes. "Move and he dies."

His heart was racing in his chest and he fought to steady it as the man pressed the gun to his neck, turning it so it sank into the flesh beneath his chin. He
wanted to tell, wanted to answer any questions the man had if it meant he wouldn't hurt Trowa, but he simply couldn't. Too many people depended on the
Gundams and he couldn't betray them, even if it meant he lost the one most important to him. Quatre kept his eyes on the man as he waited for whatever he
decided to do. As long as his attention was focused on him, he was convinced he could take it. He just had to be careful not to let his feelings for Trowa show
so the tall boy wouldn't be used against him.

Watching the tall boy from the corner of his eye, the man smirked at the anger that glinted, barely detectable in those green eyes. As he'd expected, the pale
blonde was the weak joint. Stereotypes held more often than people liked to admit. Running the fingers of his free hand over the boy's smooth cheek, he
smiled at him, liking the way those pale eyes met him easily. If he was feeling fear he was hiding it well. But he knew the boy wouldn't be so confident for long.

Moving his hand beneath the boy's arm, he nodded. "Kick your shoes off. It's okay, I'll hold you steady." True to his word, he supported the boy in case he fell,
not removing the gun as he kept an eye on the other boy. "Good. Now your pants. And whatever else you have on down there." Again, the boy didn't hesitate,
eyes dropping as he undid his belt and the man lowered his gun with him as he bent slightly to push his pants down. Stepping around the shorter boy, he let
his arm curve in front of Quatre as he didn't move the gun. He now had a good view of the other boy and he felt satisfaction from the intensity of the boy's
glare. "You two work together," he said wryly, staring into green eyes, "how closely? Just friends, or lovers?"

Quatre couldn't open his eyes. So long as Trowa didn't speak, he could pretend the boy wasn't there. He reminded himself of this as he fought the need to
flush with humiliation. It was impossible to lie to himself, but he hated knowing that the boy could see him, he was watching him. He'd been tortured before, not
horribly since they tended to see him as fragile and were loath to risk killing him, but he'd never been raped. The thought that it would be done in front of
Trowa made his heart scream in pain and it was hard to keep the cry from becoming vocal. Then the man touched his back and he closed his teeth tightly as
something was pushed into him. It burned, but the pain was relatively slight and had it not been for Trowa's presence it would have been bearable.

It hurt worse than any pain he'd ever felt and Trowa couldn't stop himself from lifting a hand to his heart as he was unable to tear his eyes away from Quatre.
The blonde boy stood stiffly, a slight flinch passing over his face but nothing more giving evidence to pain such as he was radiating. Trowa knew from
experience that the pain he was feeling wasn't a result of the man's physical harm and that made it more difficult for him to bear. He'd been connected to the
boy since they met, and he knew the boy's heart was crying out to him. And there was nothing he could do to help him.

Pulling his finger out of the boy, the man wiped it off on the back of Quatre's shirt, smirking again as he stared at Trowa. He didn't fail to notice the way the
boy's hand was held to his chest and he wondered at that as he looked at him. "He's tight. Definitely a virgin. I guess you aren't lovers, then." Laying his head
over the blonde boy's shoulder, he turned slightly as he inhaled the scent of the boy's thick hair. "So pretty, and he even smells good. What were you waiting
for? Is it because you're Gundam pilots? No time for frivolities? Well, don't worry, there's plenty of time now."

Quatre stumbled slightly when the man shoved him away, swallowing as the gun was removed. Opening his eyes, he turned so he could look at him. There
was a dull ache where the man had touched him, but it was unimportant as he did his best to prepare himself for what he knew was to come. For the first time
since becoming a Gundam pilot, he was grateful for his frail appearance as it had no doubt caused the man to choose him.

"You see, as much as I'd enjoy taking each of you while the other watches, I have a better idea." Meeting Trowa's gaze, the man's eyes narrowed into slits and
his smile turned evil as he held the gun pointed at the boy. "I'll have *you* rape him."


There was absolutely no give to the boy's voice and his eyes were so intense the man's breath sped up. "I see. And if I had *him* rape you?" Turning when the
blonde boy stepped back suddenly, his dark smile turned into a grin. "Now *that* idea has merit. What do you say, boy? Do you like that idea better?"

"I won't!" Taking another long step away from Trowa, Quatre shook his head frantically. Choking when the man raised his gun and pointed it at him, he shook
his head again as he continued to back away. "Kill me, I don't care."

"All right." Eyes narrowing, the man slowly tightened his finger, pulling back the trigger. He nearly laughed when Trowa let out a harsh cry, but he managed to
look surprised as he glanced at the boy, one eyebrow raised. "You have an objection? If he won't do it then I have no use for him."

"He will," Trowa said, voice hoarse as he gazed at the pale boy. His back to the wall, Quatre continued to shake his head and he could see that his eyes were
much too bright. Nodding once to the stricken boy, he turned to the man. "He'll do it."

"Well then, I'll lay out the ground rules." Stepping to the blonde boy, he pulled him away from the wall, snorting when tears slipped down his pale cheeks.
Leaning close to him, he gripped his chin as he made sure he had Quatre's attention. "First off, I want blood. Since he won't do the honors, it'll have to be his."
He held the boy's chin in a tight grasp as he felt the boy try to shake his head again. "Yes. And pain." Turning, he released the boy as he moved closer to
Trowa. "If you hide your pain, I'll rape him myself."

Nodding, Trowa didn't resist when the man motioned for him to lean forward. Gazing at Quatre, he felt that pain again as the boy cried, pale blue-green eyes
lowered as he bit his lip till blood trickled down his chin. As much as he hated the boy's torment, he knew he couldn't hurt him and he'd do anything to keep
him from being raped by that man. He held still as his wrists were tied behind his back. He only hoped he was actually sparing the boy pain as his chest
seemed to be on fire, his heart clenching sporadically. Then his view of Quatre was lost as he was pushed onto his back and he entertained the thought of
fighting as the man undid his pants. This notion was discarded immediately, however, as he saw that the gun was aimed at the blonde boy.

"There you go, I've made it easy for you."

Eyes hot, Quatre stumbled when the man gripped the back of his head and he was propelled towards Trowa. It was hard to breathe and he fell to his knees
between Trowa's bent legs, his head turned so he wouldn't see the boy spread out beneath him. He didn't know what to do. Trowa would die if he didn't do as
the man wanted, but how could he do that to him, to the one person he loved more than any.

"Well, get to it, boy." Shoving him, the man smirked when Quatre let out a piteous cry as he fell forward and touched the green-eyed boy. "What are you
waiting for?"

"Please don't do this..." Not looking, Quatre gasped as he pushed himself up, his skin hot as if scalded from where he'd touched Trowa. "I can't do this..."

"I'll kill him," the man warned, enjoying the young boy's torment. Kneeling beside him, he let his eyes move over the pale boy, smirking suddenly. "Oh, I
understand. This doesn't arouse you?" Leaning over Trowa, he placed a kiss on the weeping boy's forehead. "Don't worry, I'll help you. I'm not completely
unsympathetic." Moving behind Quatre, he licked a finger before pushing it into the boy his gun carefully held on Trowa. Manipulating him, he smirked when
the boy whimpered, his eyes watching as he grew hard. "See? That was easy." His eyes hardened abruptly and he moved to Trowa's head, pressing the gun
to his neck. "Now do it before I lose my patience."

Hands trembling, Quatre touched Trowa's legs and he lifted the boy's hips, letting out a keening moan as he pushed into him. It hurt, the friction rubbing and
squeezing him, but he knew from Trowa's indrawn breath that it was much worse for him. Unable to block out what he was doing, he remembered how the
man's finger had hurt and knew he was hurting Trowa more. Moving inside the boy, he didn't have to look to know he was bleeding as his motion was
smoothed by a warm liquid. He tried to tell himself that he was doing what Trowa had decided, that by doing it the boy would live. It didn't matter as his heart
was crushed in his chest, screaming at him that he was raping his loved one. He couldn't open his eyes, but he could hear small sounds as Trowa's groans
were muffled slightly, could feel how tense the boy was and each second seemed to last a lifetime. The worst part was that his body didn't seem to care under
what circumstances it was gaining pleasure as Trowa's tight sheath squeezed him and he sobbed from his own betrayal. When he came, he collapsed onto the
boy, his body shaking from the force of his sobs.

Eyes glazed, Trowa couldn't breathe, the pain in his chest too intense. He'd never imagined anything could hurt so much and he wished he had chosen the
alternative as he felt Quatre fall onto him. His arms strained against the ropes as he tried in vain to free them, knowing the boy needed him. When it
happened, he thought he'd died as the pain went from his chest to his head and minutes passed in dazed confusion before he realized the man had hit him
with the gun. Blinking slowly, he felt wetness on his forehead and shock ran through him as he realized Quatre's subtle weight was gone from his chest.
Staring at the gray ceiling of the cell, he lifted his head, heart leaping to his throat as his eyes fell on the man.

It was justice, and he embraced the pain. When the man had pulled him away from Trowa, Quatre hadn't resisted, barely wincing when he was thrown onto his
back, his head striking the floor hard. The man could have done it without holding his hands over his head, but he obviously expected the boy to struggle. But
he didn't. The pain in his chest lessened slowly as the man pushed into him and he could feel himself floating back, away from there. While nothing short of
death would be punishment enough, he let the pain wash over him, Trowa's muffled cries echoing in his mind. It was hard to stay conscious as he felt himself
detaching more from the physical world and only his need for retribution held him anchored to his body. His eyes were dry as his tears had ceased and he
stared blankly at the ceiling, letting it blur as his eyes lost focus.

Muscles clenching in fury, Trowa kicked the man, knocking him to the side as he leaned back to grab his gun. "Quatre?" The boy didn't move, his dull eyes
staring at the ceiling and Trowa felt himself dying. "Please? Oh, Quatre, please?!" Choking as he bent over the boy, he pressed his cheek to Quatre's.

"Trowa?" Blinking suddenly, Quatre flushed as he realized the boy was leaning over him. He sat up quickly, reaching behind the green-eyed boy as he untied
him. Unsure of how the man had been knocked out, he hurried to free Trowa before moving with stilted steps to his clothing. A stolen glance revealed the
other pilot was also dressing and he promised himself he'd make sure the boy escaped. Taking the gun from him, he nodded toward the cell door. "Let's go."

* * *

Closing his eyes as he let the hot water pour over him, Trowa clenched his fists. He didn't know what to do. They had escaped unscathed, but Quatre hadn't
spoken to him since they'd made it to the safehouse. Clean, he stepped out from under the hot spray of the shower and began to dry himself with the towel.
Not having any alternative, he realized he would have to talk to the boy. As much as he wanted to spare Quatre from his feelings for him, he knew the boy was
ridden with guilt. He didn't seem to remember that it had been Trowa's choice. Dressing, Trowa was drying his hair when he felt the beginnings of a familiar
sensation. He jerked the door open as his chest burned with a shockingly abrupt intensity and he was running by the time he reached the hall. Halting at the
railing that overlooked the first floor, he let out a hoarse cry and vaulted over it.

Raising wide, tear-filled eyes, Quatre gave a pitiful cry as he spotted the tall boy, his hand shaking. Before he could move, Trowa tackled him, shoving him
onto his back as he ripped the gun out of his grasp. Moaning, his eyes closed as he hid his face behind his hands, unable to meet Trowa's enraged glare.
Choking on his sobs, he turned his head when the boy forced his arms back.

"How could you?!" Squeezing the boy's shoulders, Trowa pulled him upward, gasping from the pain as he felt tears in his eyes. "Kill yourself?! You'd leave
me...?" His throat clenched and he gave the boy a harsh shake as he couldn't get words past his lips.

"T-trowa...I'm so...sorry..." Shaking his head, Quatre touched his fingers to Trowa's cheeks, crying harder as he felt the boy's tears. "Forgive me, Trowa. I
didn't want to hurt you!"

"Damnit, Quatre, is *that* what this is about?!" The pale eyes dropped abruptly and Trowa cursed as he moved forward so their eyes were an inch apart. "I
*told* you to do that. How could you blame yourself? Don't you understand? I *love* you, Quatre." The boy's mouth fell open as he gasped. "Yes, I do. If I'd
known that bastard would hurt you anyway I would never have done it. I was just...I couldn't hurt you."

"I hurt *you*, Trowa. I deserved what he did to me...I deserve so much more..." Dropping his eyes as he sobbed suddenly, Quatre was caught off guard,
gasping when Trowa slapped him. Not looking up, his heart clenched as he waited for the boy to hit him again.

"Don't you *ever* say that!" Gripping the boy's chin, Trowa forced him to meet his gaze. "Never! Do you hear me?"


Growling from fury such as he'd never known, Trowa jerked the boy to him, crushing their mouths together before pulling back an inch. "I love you. That may
not mean anything to you, but it means everything to me. If you die, I'm going with you. Even if you don't care about me at all, I *know* you don't want my death
on your hands. Even if you hate me."

"I love you," Quatre whispered, eyes bright with tears as he stared at the vehement boy. "I hurt the person I love. Don't you see what I've done?"

Beyond frustration, Trowa pulled him close again, bruising the boy's mouth as his tongue entered it. Eyes blazing, he didn't end the kiss until Quatre was
sagging in his arms. "Are you listening now?" At the boy's dazed nod, he kissed him again. "I love you. You love me. Don't you see? What we did was because
we love each other. Do you understand?" Not receiving a nod, he kissed him again. "Well?"

"If..." Breathing fast, Quatre's eyes glowed. "If I don't answer will you...kiss me again?"

Smiling widely, Trowa pulled the boy up against him as their mouths met again.